Tomorrow Is Another Day
by Tira Archer
Summary: When Edward left, Bella was devastated. But what if she decided that she needed to move on? Her best friend Jake had been there for her during her need, could she return his feelings? What happens when nothing goes as expected?
1. Prologue: Carpe Lunem

"_And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed."_

_~New Moon, ch.3: The End, pg. 71~_

_Prologue: Carpe Lune_

_Bella_

I really am not sure how, or even why, the months passed as they did. When Edward left he took my very heart with him. After months of nothing I finally came to realise that it could not continue like this. Of course, Charlie did not help much what with his insisting that I needed to forget him, to get over him and his idiocy for leaving me behind, but it was still a help, in an odd sort of way. It showed me that I _did_ need to move on with my life, even if part of me felt torn and irreparable.

It was Jacob, though, who really helped me come back down to earth. If he had not been willing to shove aside my lack of feelings, my distress and heartbreak and my listlessness, if he had not been willing to just be my friend when I needed one then likely I would still be on that becalmed sea of doubt and self-loathing. Jacob _wanted_ me, which is more than I can say for Ed– for _him_. Jacob wanted me despite all my flaws, despite that I was mortal, just a plain, clumsy human.


	2. Whoa, With A Capital 'W'

_Chapter 1: Whoa. With a Capital 'W'._

_Jacob_

When I found out she had jumped off the cliff I was so frightened. I had _told_ her I would take her, but I guess patience is not her strong suit. Oh God, when I pulled her out of that water it was like hauling a sack of rocks, she was so cold and still I thought she was dead at first.

I pummelled her back, her chest, trying to get her to breathe but she wouldn't. I pleaded, I remember, just wanting her to live, to try. When she gasped out my name I almost fainted with relief, I will admit, and I am not the kind of guy that faints. I took her back to my house. I wanted her where I could see her, for one thing. I certainly hoped at the time she had learned her lesson, not to go jumping from cliffs until you knew what you were doing, but I didn't want to take any chances.

All my patrolling, the excitement of the day and Harry's hospitalisation just took its toll on me, and when Bella asked me to stay with her for a few minutes, I conceded. Leaning up against the couch I let my eyes close.

"Guess I could rest for a minute…" I murmured, sliding into oblivion. I guess she had fallen asleep also, 'cause when Billy came in and turned on the light I almost phased, the shock was so great and I was on all alert, but I've always been good at controlling myself. I knew immediately from his face that Harry Clearwater had not made it, and even though I felt the loss, a part of me was rejoicing that the one who had died that day was not my Bella.

Sam, who had brought Billy home, left rather quickly to go back to the hospital. Sue and her kids, Leah and Seth, would need a lot of support in the coming months. I slumped back down on the floor next to Bella and just wished I could let go, cry or whatever it is that people do in these situations. I was too young, really, when my mom died, so this sort of thing was new to me.

I felt Bella's hand on my shoulder, rubbing it in a lightly circular motion, and I caught it up in my own monster-sized palm, holding it to my cheek. I realised a little late I hadn't really taken good care of her after I'd brought her back here and remorse flooded me.

"How are you feeling? Are you okay? I probably should have taken you to a doctor or something." I sighed, but she assured me she was okay, I shouldn't worry. But I wanted to worry. After all, certain _other_ people didn't care, and she needed someone to worry about her. She needed someone to love her like she deserved.

She looked like hell, literally. When I went to go get her truck so I could take her home I did finally let loose the tears, but it didn't last long. I was just too tired, too relieved, to care. I knew later, though, Billy and I would sit and talk. It didn't take me long to get back to the house, even though that truck is so ancient I'm surprised even my mechanical skills kept it running, and she was still sprawled listlessly on the couch in the same position I'd left her.

She shivered when I brought her outside, and I hugged her close with one arm, bundling her into the passenger side. I was driving, and I really didn't think she was in a position to complain. I pulled her close to me to keep her warm as we headed back to Forks, to her house. When she leaned her head against my chest I just breathed her in.

"How will you get home?" She asked me, obviously forgetting that hey, I could _walk_ faster than this truck.

"I'm not going home." I replied. "We still haven't caught that bloodsucker, remember?" She shuddered against me and I felt relieved that she was frightened, because maybe it meant she would think of her safety now and also that it was _me_ she was relying on to keep her safe. She was quiet after that, and I took the chance to just _be_ with her.

When we got to the dark, silent house and I cut the engine, the silence lay so thick it was like the winter blanket I used as a kid, sort of suffocating. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but I couldn't let her go, so I just wrapped her tightly with both arms.

A little bit of guilt rushed through me. She didn't want me like that. She wanted a friend, I knew this. She'd said it tons of times. "I'm sorry." I apologised. "I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay."

I laughed a little, crushing her a little closer, leaning my cheek up against her head. She was cold, I could tell, and I hoped that my high temperature could help keep some of that chill away. I thought she might pull away but she didn't. Instead she nuzzled closer, her head turning slightly so her lips pressed into my shoulder and I froze. What was she doing? Bella had _never_ acted like this.

"Oh Jake." She sighed, almost as if she were not really talking to me but making a decision instead, only saying it out loud.

I cleared my throat and pulled her away from me enough so that I could see her face. "Bella?" I asked, wondering what she would say. The fact that she had not tried to escape my hold yet gave me a thrill.

"Jake, I…" She hesitated, her eyes darting downwards and another sigh escaping her lips. When she looked back up at me, I saw something new in her gaze, but at the time I wasn't sure what it meant. "Jake, you love me."

I was confused. I mean, _duh_, it was so obvious. She knew very well I loved her, wanted her more than life, almost. Just as I knew, or thought I knew, she didn't want me the same way.

"What about it?" I asked cautiously.

Her eyes stared into mine and suddenly she gave me a tiny smile. "I think, Jake, I could maybe love you too."

My breath caught in my throat. Was I dreaming? I hadn't thought I was _that_ tired to be imagining something so far-fetched as this. "Bells," I croaked. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying," she paused. "I'm saying that I think I can love you. I think I am willing to give it a shot, but only…only if you'll have me."

"If I'll only have you!" I exploded, crushing her to me again. "If only I'll have you! Bella, Isabella! I wouldn't dream of having any one _but_ you!"

To my shock and before I could make my own move, she levered herself up, using me to do it, and pressed her lips to mine. One word: Whoa, with a capital 'w'. Naturally I kissed her back. Her lips felt so soft, I was kind of surprised. I mean, when you get right down to it, she really was the first girl I had kissed like this. Sisters, of course, don't count, especially when you are three and kissing someone is fun simply because of the reactions when you stick your tongue out and lick their cheek.

After a minute she broke away, that tiny smile on her face again and hope in her eyes. At least, I think it was hope. Probably hope that I would not let her down, like _someone_ I refuse to name. Unlike him, I would never. I had left her once, when Sam's alpha edict said I couldn't say anything to her, and that had hurt. I was glad when she figured it out and we could be friends again, cause I had really hated Sam for a little while.

"I should get you inside." I murmured, then blushed. "So you can like, take a hot shower and change clothes, I mean."

"Yeah." She said, her voice scratchy. That ocean dunking really had not done her any good and I wouldn't be surprised if she came down with something because of it. Opening the door I kind of roughly dragged her out with me, not really wanting to lose contact for any amount of seconds.

She gave a rough giggle as she fished her key off the door and opened it. "Make yourself comfortable, Jake. I'll make dinner after I take a shower, okay?"

"Yeah." I agreed, settling onto the couch as she slowly went up the stairs.


	3. Did I Do Right?

_Chapter 2: Did I do right?_

_Bella_

I left Jake downstairs and went to go take a much needed and desired shower. I worried my lip a little as I gathered my stuff and some new clothes. Had I done the right thing in kissing Jacob? Had I made the right move in accepting what he so obviously wanted to give me? Starting the water up, I undressed and then stared at myself in the mirror. I usually tried to avoid looking at myself, I was so plain. Ugh, brown hair and brown eyes; pale skin and too big lips. But then, the kissing may have had something to do with swollen lips, I allowed my mind to think.

What was it about me that had first _him_ and then Jake wanting me? I was nothing special, just your less than average teenage girl. I was clumsy as hell and really had more faults then virtues, like the fact that I couldn't even keep something I loved. But that thought hurt, so I pushed it aside and got into the now hot shower.

God, it felt good. The water beat a tattoo on my back, soothing all the aches from my jump and struggle, and from Jake's crushing hugs away. Not wanting to give this up I just stood there for a minute before turning and letting it rain down on my face, washing away the salt and dirt that I could feel caked there. With a groan I raised my sore arms up and ran them through my hair, making sure it was completely wet before blindly reaching for the shampoo.

All too soon my personal ablutions were done. I had washed my hair, twice in fact. I had soaped all the salt away, and scrubbed my skin almost raw because it just felt so good to shed the feelings of being unwanted. I wasn't unwanted, because I had Jake. He didn't care if I was clumsy. In fact, he laughed about it half the time. Then again, Jake could laugh at almost anything. He was always a rather amusing and amused person. That was why he'd been so good for me these past months, why I had even thought about trying. Because he deserved some happiness, and I deserved it too.

The fact that Jacob was willing to do daring things with me was even better. Of course, Jake didn't know I did it so I could hear the sound of _his_ voice in my head, but I didn't think it really mattered. The point was, Jake was a great friend, one who would do about anything for me and with me.

Shutting the shower off I wrapped one of my fluffy towels around me and began to hum while I combed out my hair. After I finished dressing I went back into my room and neatened it up, putting my dirty salt encrusted clothes in the washer on my way to start dinner. I had left Jake alone long enough and it had even gotten to the point that I _wanted_ to be near him. He made me happy, kept me warm and was focused on my safety. That felt good, reassuring.

He was crunched up on the couch, his big feet dangling over the side and his arms wrapped around his chest. He was snoring softly and his mouth hung open. I smiled at the sight. At least he had taken the opportunity to catch up on his sleep. As quietly as I could I crept into the kitchen to begin dinner, having decided to fry some fish and maybe bake some potatoes.

Of course, my attempt at stealth was ruined by my inherent clumsiness when I was setting the potatoes in the oven and hit the rack with the back of my hand. It was barely even a first degree burn, certainly no worse than having sat in the sun for hours and getting scorched, but my startled cry woke Jake up and he was immediately there, his eyes almost popping from his head as he tried to scan the room for intruders or whatever had hurt me. When he saw it was just me being me again as I ran my burned fingers under cold water he sighed and pulled a chair out from the table and sank into it, peeking at me from between his fingers as he rested his elbows on the table and his head in his hands.

"Bella," He said. "Can't you even cook without hurting something?"

"Yes." I replied, blushing. "I was just not watching carefully enough where my hands were."

He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair then stood up and wrapped his arms around me from behind. Taking my hand out of the stream of water he examined it, then lightly kissed the red burn.

"You will survive, I think."

"Of course I will. I've been through worse than this." I reminded him as I pulled away to finish my dinner preparations. His face tightened as he remembered last spring.

"Yeah, and I wasn't there to protect you, but now I am. And no stupid bloodsucker will hurt you on my watch." His deep eyes followed me back to the stove.

"I believe you." I honestly replied as I readied the pan for the fish. "And I'm glad for it."

"Bella, can I ask you a question?"

"You just did, but yeah."

He gave a short laugh at my answer. "Why did you kiss me, you know, out there in the truck?"

I didn't look at him immediately as I thought about my answer. It was something I had been thinking about as well, so it didn't surprise me that he'd mentioned it. Jake really wasn't one to keep his feelings to himself.

"Well," I began slowly, turning from the stove and taking a seat across from him. "I think it's time to do what Charlie said. I mean, these past months have been the best and I owe it all to you, Jake. You kept me alive when all I wanted was to fade away into nothing. You kept me from falling apart."

I picked up his hand and began to play with his fingers, running my fingers through his and over his knuckles. "You helped me move on, and I think I owe you something for it."

"So what, this is all just, like, a pity thing?" He pulled his hand back, but I didn't let go.

"No, no! Not at all. Just listen, okay? I'm trying to explain what led up to this." I took a deep breath. "And then today when you rescued me from my stupidity of jumping without a partner in bad weather I realised that this is a turning point. I have to get on with my life. I could have stayed in my little hollow place, living without really living, or I can follow the path set before me. Jake, you've helped me through so much already, and now it's time you got something back. Like I said earlier, I think I can love you. It may take me time to figure out what _love_ is, since my original thoughts on the subject were obviously wrong, but Jake, I am willing to try."

I wished I knew what he was thinking as he stared at me, but I guess what I had said appeased him, because he grinned at me. "That's okay, Bells. I can show you what love means."

I eyed him cautiously, not really wanting to know where his mind was going. Obviously he had an idea of what was going through my head because he laughed. He shook his head and held up his free hand in a fist.

"One, love means staying with the person you're devoted to." He held up a finger. "Two, it means not leaving the one who depends on you like they are used rags. Three, love means that you would do most anything for that person, even if it means just being a friend to them." He put his hand down.

"Bella, honey, I love you. I was willing to be what you wanted me to be because that was what you needed at the time. But if you are serious about trying, then I want to be yours. I have always been there when you needed me, and I always will be there."

"Well, not always." I let my eyes close as I tried to block out those painful days when he had refused to speak with me.

"But I wanted to be with you then." He replied earnestly. "I wanted to be and I couldn't, and it killed me! But that's in the past, Bella. Now that you know what I am, what the others are, it's okay."

I opened my eyes and regarded him silently, remembering my dream of me and Emily in the woods, waiting for our wolves to come home and I realised that my wolf _had_ come home. He had come back to me when the person I thought loved me had left, taking my heart with him. Edward had my heart, but Jacob loved me and was there for me. I pressed my palm to my chest, amazed at the beat of my physical heart, the slight warmth I felt there. Could a heart once broken be fixed? I hadn't thought so before, but I have been known to be wrong.

He grinned suddenly and gave a laugh. "Charlie's home."

"How'd you know?" I asked, jumping up to finish the fish and check my potatoes.

"I have super hearing, Bells." He laughed. "I heard his car."

"Bella?" Charlie's voice rang out as he entered the house. I could hear him removing his jacket.

"In here dad." I heard him approach the kitchen. One look at his face and I went to hug him. "I'm sorry."

"I'm going to miss Harry." He sighed. "And poor Sue. She's coping, but it will be a tough time. And the kids. Leah is only a year older and little Seth is only fourteen."

"It'll be okay, Charlie. We're all here for them." Jake said, his voice rough with emotion. Charlie looked a little surprised, as if he had not realised Jake was here.

"Jacob," He brightened up a little bit. "How is Billy handling it?"

"He was okay when I left to drive Bella home." Jake replied slowly. Obviously since Charlie had no idea I had jumped from a cliff he didn't want to say anything that might compromise the situation.

"Good, good. Staying for dinner son?"

"Wouldn't dream of missing out." Jake's grin just lightened the mood in the room.

"You sound a little hoarse, Bells. Not getting sick, are you?" Charlie peered at me closely as if any virus I might have had was prancing around on my forehead with a sign.

"I'll be fine in a day or two." I said. "But how about supper? I used the last of the fry."

"Oh, great." Charlie tried to be excited. "Let me just go freshen up. I'll be down in a minute."

I turned to Jake after Charlie had left the room and held out my arms in a question. Had my explanation made any sense? Was he really still willing to be with me even though he hadn't been my first choice?

"Calm down, Bells." He whispered. Reaching out he snagged the bottom of my sweatshirt and pulled me forward until I was sitting in his lap. "I love you. And I would never leave you until you tell me to."

"Let's hope that day never comes." I answered and kissed him.


	4. I'd Rather Die Trying Than To Never Know

_Chapter 3: I'd Rather Die Trying Than To Never Know_

_Jacob_

"Ah." A surprised sound came from the doorway just as Bella kissed me. We leapt apart like guilty children and Bella blushed as she avoided Charlie's gaze. In fact, poor Charlie looked like he might be on his way to a heart attack himself, or possibly an aneurysm.

"Dad." Bella squeaked. "Dinner will be right up."

"Bella, honey," Charlie slowly formed his words. "Are you and Jake…?"

She looked horrified, and I couldn't help but start laughing. "Oh Charlie, we only just hooked up today. Besides, I'm only sixteen."

"Yes, well. You never can be too careful about these things." He squinted at me.

"C'mon, you've known me since I was a kid."

"You still are a kid." He replied, but at least the red left his face. Bella, still redder than a tomato, was busy getting plates. "Tell me the truth, Jake."

"You mean, are Bells and I doing, I dunno what to call it, adult things? No way." I smirked. I had certainly thought about it, but damn if I was going to tell Charlie or Bella that. "But are we dating? I don't know. Ask her." I hooked a thumb towards Bella.

Charlie and I both looked at her, waiting. She fumbled a plate, miraculously caught it, and placed it carefully on the counter. Looking Charlie squarely in the eye she licked her lips and opened her mouth to say something. I admit I was curious what she was planning to say to Charlie.

"Yeah, Jake and I are dating." She finally spit out. "You were right, dad. I just needed to move on with my life."

I was relieved that _Charlie_ looked relieved. At least I didn't have to worry about finding a bullet coming my way. Not that Charlie would shoot me, anyway. But the, what do you call it; figure of speech thing was there.

Bella gave me a small smile, but even though I was happy she had said what I wanted to hear, that smile did not reach her eyes and don't think I didn't notice. I smiled back, but I made it a point to ask her about it when Charlie wasn't around.

Charlie, lost in his own world, pretty much ignored us while we ate and then wandered off, I guess to see what game was on tonight. Bells started cleaning up and I figured I'd pitch in and started filling the sink with soapy water.

"So, Bella," I said slowly. "Are you happy about us?"

"What do you mean?" She asked. "Of course I am."

"Cause I noticed even though you smiled earlier, you hesitated. And like, I got the feeling you were still unhappy with this decision."

"No, it's not that at all." She shook her head and dried the glass I handed her. "I'm still working my way around…well, you know. Of course I'm happy to be with you."

"But you wish you'd never kissed me." I stated, despite her earlier explanation.

"Jake, please. This is not easy for me. You've been patient all this time, can't you just be patient now?"

I gave her a look. "Hey, at least I've been here for you, Bells. The least you could do is, I don't know, try to be happy."

"I'm sorry, Jake. Really, I am happy that we took this route. Promise. It's been a long day, I'm tired. Forgive me?"

"Always." I sighed. That's the sad part, I think I always will forgive her because I love her.

"Good. So, earlier you said you weren't going home. I don't really think Charlie will approve of you crashing on the couch, though, not now he knows we're going out."

"I said I wasn't going home, I didn't say I was staying here human." I grinned. "I told you we were protectors. Right now, you are the one we're protecting."

"Oh, yeah." She said, biting her lip. I noticed she did that a lot lately.

"Bells, calm down. We're here, you know that. We won't let that leech get you, I promise."

"Or Charlie." She eyed me.

"Or Charlie." I promised. "After all, what good would it do if we rescued you and not him? Especially since you both live in the same house."

"True." She smiled at me, for real this time. "I'm glad I have you, Jake."

"'Course you are." I smirked. "That's cause I'm too loveable to hate."

She laughed and gave me a hug. "I still have a bit of over-the-break schoolwork I ought to do, and it's getting late. Maybe you should head out?"

"Sure, sure." I said, crushing her against me again. She nuzzled into me.

"You're so warm. I like it."

"That's me, your personal space heater." I laughed.

"Jake," Charlie called from the other room. "It's late. I'll bet Billy would like you home."

"Sure, Charlie. I'll go in a few minutes."

"Do you need a ride?"

"No, I'll be fine. Sam, uh, said he'd meet me downtown a bit."

"You sure?"

"Yes Charlie." I turned back to Bella. She was staring up at me, that same look from when she'd first kissed me on her face; the one I thought was hope.

She reached up a hand and tried to tug my face down, grimacing at my strength. "Jake."

I laughed. "Sorry hon." I leaned down and gave her a kiss. God, I loved doing that. No wonder people are always making out, it's great fun. "Behave, and don't worry. One of us will be patrolling at all times."

She saw me out and I turned to wave before running off into the woods at the back of the house. I tied my pants to my leg and phased, relishing in the feel of it. I love being a wolf. As soon as I was fully changed I felt that openness in my head and heard the welcome from the others who had already phased.

_Took you long enough. _Sam's mental voice threaded through my head.

_Yeah, what were you two doing in there?_ Paul "said". _Wait, you're __**dating**__ her now?_

_Yep._ I replied as I met up with them. Sitting back on my haunches I gave my doggiest grin, tongue hanging out. _Ain't it great?_

_Only to you._ Embry's reply came as he joined us.

_Aw, don't be like that. At least she'll be spending more time at the rez._

_Like she isn't there every day anyway?_ Jared shot back.

_**SETTLE**__. _Sam's Alpha voice rocketed through out heads. _Jake, congratulations. Please try to tone down the details in the future. Guys, let's get on with the night. Jake, take first close patrol, I'm sure that will make her happy to see you every so often. Someone will replace you in a few hours._

_Got it!_ I replied.

_I still can't believe she wants __**you**_._ That girl has no sense._ Paul "muttered". Of course, we all heard it and I turned and growled.

_Bella has __**plenty**__ of sense. Don't say anything bad about her._

_What, like how finicky she is? Leech lover to wolf lover. Like I said, no sense._

_That's it!_ I growled. Leaping at Paul he and I bit and scratched and tumbled. As usual, I won in the end.

_**If**__ you are quite done?_ Sam said. He sounded sort of amused. _C'mon, get to your posts._

_Yes Sam._ We all echoed as we took off in opposite directions.

Hey, if I don't defend Bella, who will? That's all I'm saying. She's so breakable, it's ridiculous. I did the usual run, a perimeter search for any leech intrusions around the house, several times. After a few times I ventured closer to the house, towards Bella's room. Her light was on and I could see her at the window. She waved as I ran by and then the next time I went by the light was off. I guess she'd gone to bed. Oh, what a thought, Bella in bed.

_Shut up Jake!_ The chorus flooded my mind and I let out the wolf version of a laugh. Yeah, this could be fun.


	5. Lead Me Up To Where You Are

_Chapter 4: Lead Me Up To Where You Are and Let Me Feel the Sun_

_Bella_

I dreamed of that green woody place again, the one that always seems to show up. This time it was me alone, and then Jacob in wolf form came out, that amused doggy look on his face. I knelt down and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in the fur around his neck. In that weird dream way the image shifted until it was him in human form, hugging me back and whispering something to me, and the woods were on fire.

I sat up with a start, blinking at the rare sun that streamed in the window. _Not fire_, I thought. I frowned, knowing that it wasn't fire, but it was dangerous all the same, and Jake was there protecting me.

Getting out of bed I got dressed and headed downstairs. Charlie was sleepily staring at a bowl of cereal that he was obviously less than enthused about. I got my own cereal and sat down across from him just as the phone rang. Sighing I was about to pick it up when Charlie beat me to it. I was a little surprised at his speed, he had looked practically zombie-ish moments before.

"Yeah?" He said into the phone, listened for a minute then turned to me, a scowl on his face as he spoke to whoever was on the other end. "No, she's sitting right here in front of me. Besides, I don't see it as any of your business anymore."

I wondered who he could be talking to, and frowned. None of whose business? Certainly he couldn't be talking to Renee, he would never be rude about my well-being to her. But then, he had had a trying day and maybe it was her, although I still didn't think he'd be so terrible about it.

"Well, thanks for calling, I guess. But I don't think you should call anymore, okay? Bye Alice."

"Alice!" I said and jumped up, practically mauling Charlie in my haste to get to the phone.

"She hung up already, Bells." Charlie said as he placed the handset to the cradle. "She said she had just gotten a feeling about you and was calling to be sure you were okay."

"Oh." I sighed and sat back down, poking at my cereal.

I could feel Charlie's eyes on me and I avoided his gaze. "Bella, why would Alice be calling, after all this time, to check on you? It's been months with no word."

"I don't know, Dad. Alice has always been, um, empathic." I was lying through my teeth, but I certainly couldn't tell Charlie Alice was a future-telling vampire. "Maybe she just felt I needed to hear from an old friend?"

"Maybe." He sat back down also, but I really don't think he was satisfied with the answer. After a minute he spoke again. "So. Going to La Push today?"

"Yes." I frowned at him. "Why?"

"Ah, no reason. So, you and Jake, huh?"

"Yeeeeees." I replied slowly.

"That's good. He's a great kid, Bella. Very mature for his age."

"Yeah, I know. Sometimes it's hard to remember he's younger than me."

"He's especially grown up in the past few months. A lot." Charlie ruminated on this fact.

"I noticed. He's like 6 foot 7 or something, now."

"Now, you're not, uh, not going to be rushing into this relationship, right?"

Charlie's red face indicated exactly what he was trying to say and I felt my own face get hot. "No, dad. Jake and I, well, it's not like that."

"Good, good." He said, slightly distracted. "Have fun with Jake, Bells."

"Uh, yeah. Okay dad." I quickly finished my breakfast and made my escape. Even if Jake wasn't around, I just wanted to be away from Charlie and his questions.

As I walked down the road I could hear howling in the woods and I wondered what those boys were up too. They didn't usually howl, especially during the day, for fear that the hunts would start again. There'd been some pretty upset people when hikers came up dead, and the wolves, then thought to be bears, had been the target. Within minutes I heard the pounding of feet on the pavement and turned to see Jake running towards me, a slight frown on his face.

"Up and about a little early, aren't you Bella?" He asked.

"How did y–" I sighed. "You were watching me."

"Yeah, but you already knew that." He shrugged. "When Embry saw you leave he told us, and I ran to intercept you. You know you shouldn't be out alone."

"Yeah, I know." I shuddered. "I had a dream last night." I informed him. "And now I realise what I was seeing yesterday when you hauled me out of the water. I saw Victoria, she was so close to me!" I shuddered.

"Oh honey, don't worry. We'll get her sooner or later. Besides, you're safe at the rez."

"Yeah, I know." I smiled. "So what's on today's agenda?"

"Oh, the usual, except I'm gonna be around. I know how bored you've been lately and I'm sorry about that."

"Hey, you're just doing your job."

"Yeah, but I wish I could do my job and be with you at the same time."

"It's okay. Jake. Really. We'll be able to spend some time a little later. Sam can't keep you out all day."

"I know that. C'mon, let's get going. It's a long walk." He grinned.

"We could always go back and get my truck."

He gave me a horrified look. "I can sleep walk faster than that thing moves."

"Well, I don't feel like walking all the way to the reservation."

"C'mon, Bells, you know I wouldn't make you walk all the way." Jake laughed. He grabbed my arm and steered me around. "I was just teasing you."

We did go back for my truck. Thankfully Charlie had already left, cause I really didn't want to explain how Jake came to be here so early, without a car. And barefoot. Wearing yesterday's pants.

After we got to his house he set me up with a movie and then ran off, saying he'd be back a little later and we'd do something. I had also brought a book with me, but didn't really feel like reading.

Even though I had slept fine the night before I guess I dozed off, because the next thing I knew Jake was barrelling through the door. He had a huge grin on his face. I looked at the clock and saw it was almost noon time.

"C'mon Bella!" He was practically vibrating with pent up energy.

"Come on where?" I asked as I stretched.

"To the beach with me."

"Yeah, okay." I shrugged. Hand in hand we wandered down towards First Beach. When we got closer to what I considered our tree, the fallen one we'd first sat on and talked to each other, I gasped. Spread out on the sand was a blanket with a basket pinning one corner down.

"I know how much you miss the sun, and it is a beautiful day, so I figured you'd want to spend it outside. I said something about it to Emily and she insisted on making a picnic for us." Jake explained.

"This is great." I smiled and settled down on the blanket, taking my shoes off to bury my feet in the already warm sand. And Jake was right, I was loving the sun and I had missed it.

He sat beside me, already barefoot and as usual not wearing a shirt. It wouldn't be long before we were ready for Emily's lunch, but I was happy to just lay here and talk while I soaked up some vitamin d.

"This is great." I said again, laying back and reaching a hand out towards him. He complied by picking it up and twining his fingers through mine.

"I'm glad you like it." He sounded slightly insecure, as if he had thought I wouldn't. "Bella…I really like you. I mean, well…I really want this to work between us."

"Well, so do I." I replied, clueless to his intent.

"I'm just saying, if you change your mind I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"Why would I change my mind?"

"I hope you won't, but like, if."

I rolled over onto my stomach, which caused him to have to let go of my hand, and looked at him. He was like a little puppy that had been kicked. "Jacob Black, I have no intentions of changing my mind. You are the one I want to be with. When I really think about it, you've always been there for me…except for that one time, but that was beyond your control. Don't worry."

His face brightened somewhat, but he was still not acting his usual sunny self. There had to be something else he was upset about. I searched his face, looking for clues.

"So, like, if I told you that we maybe lost the trail…" he hesitated, and I knew immediately what he had been leading up to. It wasn't that he was afraid I'd change my mind about him, but that I would do something crazy again like yesterday when I found out they'd lost Victoria's trail.

"Then I would ask what you were going to do to keep me safe, and maybe what we were going to do later. I was thinking movie-fest and dinner with Billy." I grinned.

His dark eyes grew wide and a smile slowly crept across his mouth. "So even though we failed this time, you still want to hang out with me?"

"Jake, listen; you _are_ my best friend, and you _are_ my boyfriend. You may have lost this inning, but there's still tons more to go. She'll be back, you know it. So I figure since we already like each other and going out with you means that I can spend plenty of time at the rez without Charlie going nuts, then I'm safe enough."

"Oh thanks." He finally looked relieved. "I was afraid you might not want to be with me cause I failed, and well, _he_ never did anything wrong." I could hear the bitterness he was trying not to reveal and it hit me; it wasn't just fear of his failing something, but some of it was jealousy for my previous relationship. Just thinking of Edward made me hurt and I instinctively curled into myself.

"Oh, hey! No, Bella, no. I'm sorry I said anything. Damn, I'm always screwing something up." He pulled me into his lap and rocked me like a baby. "Don't pull away from me. I'm here for you, remember?"

"Yeah, you are." I whispered, nuzzling his bare chest. He was so warm, and with the sun beating down on the other side I was cosy. "Just hold me."

"I'll never let go." He promised me.

"Thank you Jake. For everything." It was comforting, I discovered, to have my head on someone's chest and be able to hear his heartbeat. Such a beautiful, calming sound…

And that's when I realised that I really could love Jacob as more than a brother. I could love him as he deserved and not feel bad or like I was betraying someone else, like I was selfishly wanting something that couldn't be mine or wanting more than I should, because he was _it_, the only one here and as long as _he_ kept his promise, Jake would be the only one in my life. The only one there to care about.


	6. Just As Long As I Have You Right Here

_Chapter 5: Just As Long As I Have You Right Here By Me_

_Jacob_

I knew she had fallen asleep from the slow, even way she was breathing and how her arms loosened from around me. Something had been decided during that conversation, but I wasn't sure what. I didn't think it was too bad, since she was obviously not mad at me. Hell, she'd fallen asleep on me. I just wished that I knew what she had decided in her heart about us, but I knew I would never ask.

I let her sleep for awhile, and I know I half-slept a little myself, but then I was just too hungry to wait any longer and I had to wake her up. I did it carefully, since I didn't want to startle her too much.

"Bells honey, are you hungry?"

She yawned and squirmed a little bit. "A little." She mumbled. "But it's so comfy and warm."

I couldn't help it. I had to laugh at that. "Oh Bells. I'm not going anywhere. C'mon, you better eat while it's here, or when you are hungry there won't be any left."

She grumbled a little bit, but sat up. I chuckled when she blinked and squinted at the sun. "What time is it? How long did I sleep?"

"About a half-hour." I shrugged and continued to take out the food Emily had made us. Since she knew wolves she knew we had appetites the size of a barn and had packed accordingly.

"I have done far too much sleeping today." She grumped.

"I'm sorry." I apologised, though for what I'm not sure.

"Not your fault. I didn't even mean to fall asleep this morning and I did."

"Maybe it's cause you're getting sick." I shrugged. "Your body is trying to heal itself through sleep."

"Maybe." She said and I could see her eyeing Emily's food hungrily. Emily is an _awesome_ cook. I'm just glad she's Sam's fiancée, cause that means if we can put up with all their lovey-dovey crap we can get all the really yummy food we want.

We ate in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. I watched Bella eat. She had her eyes closed and her head tilted back as she chewed. I don't know if she was enjoying the sun still beating down or the food or both, but she was enjoying it fully, whichever it was.

Damn, but she was pretty. And she was mine. I smiled. She was _mine_. She wasn't some plaything for a bloodsucker anymore, and if I had my way she never would be. I knew if she just allowed herself she could love me back; love me like I loved her. Someday she'd forget about him, or at least be able to think about him and pass the memory by.

As if she knew I was thinking about those leeches she turned to look at me. "Alice called this morning."

I froze. "What?"

"Yeah. Charlie picked up. I guess she was asking if I was okay or something. She hung up before I could talk to her." She frowned.

"She has no business prying into your life." I muttered.

"Jake, please. It wasn't her fault and she is…was…is my friend."

"Some friend!" I snorted. "She left you behind just like Edward did!" I knew I was wading into deeper waters here, but I was angry now.

"Don't say that! Don't!" Bella wrapped her arms around herself again and I immediately felt remorseful. Not for my words, cause I believed those to be true, but for the fact that I had said them to her.

"Bella, I'm sorry." I reached out for her, but she let out a miserable little sob and inched back. "Isabella. Please listen to me; I'm sorry. I mean it."

"That hurt me, Jacob Black." She was hugging her knees close to her chest and peeked at me over them. "Why did you have to say that?"

"Because I wasn't thinking and it just came out." This time when I reached out she allowed contact. I placed my hand on her knee and scooted a little closer.

"Do you really think that?" I guess she was referring to my words about Alice leaving her like Edward did. I hesitated to answer.

"Bella, it doesn't matter what I think, does it?"

"It does matter, and if you can't accept my past then you can't accept me." She tried to move away again, but I was too quick for her and had her in my arms before she could.

"I accept the fact that you _thought_ Edward loved you. I accept the fact that Alice was a friend." I paused, trying to think about my words before saying them. "But now they aren't here. Now it's just me and you, Bella. What you did last year is not what you are doing this year. You can't…you can't let the past take you over."

She just pulled back and stared at me, gauging the honesty of my words, I guess. After a minute she gave me the tiniest of smiles and threw her arms around me. Sometimes I wonder if she is an undiagnosed manic-depressive, she switches moods so fast.

"Thanks, Jake." At least she was calling me Jake again. "Thanks for trying to be understanding."

"So I'm forgiven?" I grinned winningly.

"For now." She relented. "But beware, I might not be so exonerating in the future."

"Oh good, cause we still have the pie to eat, and it would really suck to have to eat it alone."

"You wouldn't mind and you know it." She pushed me away with a laugh.

We dug into Emily's pie and I guess she was willing to overlook my poor choice of words, cause she seemed very happy now. After we finished the dessert and cleaned up, she settled onto her knees and just looked at me. I had to ask what she was doing.

"Jake, I know this isn't easy for you, but thanks for being my friend. Thanks for just being here for me."

"Bella, I saw what their leaving did to you and it hurt a lot. The hard part wasn't being your friend, it was seeing you in so much pain. I might get mad from time to time and say things I later regret, but that's because I don't ever want to see you like that again."

"Was I really that bad? Charlie said something like that too."

"It was horrible. You looked like you were a zombie, only without the rotting flesh and lurching walk." I gave a little shake. "Your eyes were always so vacant or pain-filled, and your smiles so fake. You were trying so hard to make everyone think you were fine when it was so obvious you weren't."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Bella." I bit my tongue against the rest of what I really wished to say, not wanting her to cry or be mad at me again. _It's not your fault, its Edward Cullen's fault. He made you believe you were the only thing in his life and then he dropped you like a hot potato. He left you even though he knew you loved him, and he didn't even look back, didn't even make sure you were okay._ I remembered the images Sam had shown me of the day they'd found her, the day _he_ had left and Bella'd wandered off into the woods. The memories made me ill, made me angry…I don't know if there is a word for what they made me feel, but I did know if I ever saw Edward Cullen again I would beat the…well, I guess vampires don't have snot, so I can't beat the snot out of him…anyway, I'd just beat him.

She just looked at me with those huge brown eyes and shook her head. "It has to be my fault. I wasn't good enough for him and he realised it."

I stared at her in shock. Not _good enough_? "Did he say that? Did he say you weren't good enough?"

"No," She said slowly. "But it has to be true. Why else would he have left?"

"Oh Bella." I sighed. "You may not be good enough for him, but you're beyond good enough for me. In fact, I may not be good enough for you."

"Really?" She looked at me suspiciously.

"Really. I love you Bella, and I'll make sure you know it. Always." I hugged her close.

"Thanks Jake." She snuggled into me. "You're the best friend I've ever had."

"And I hope to prove to be the best boyfriend too." I kissed the top of her head.

I don't know how long exactly we stayed like that, but eventually Sam came down with Emily. Emily didn't say anything, but her smile when she peeked into the basket to find nothing left was enough to make me feel good.

"Billy was wondering where you were, and then Em told me she'd made a picnic for you. I figured we'd come see if you were still here." Sam said.

"Yeah, still here." I said. Bella craned her neck and then lifted her hand in a little wave.

"Hey Sam, hey Emily." She said, then squirreled away from my grasp. "Thanks, Sam, for doing so much, you know, like concerning Victoria."

"It's not a problem, Bella." Sam replied. "We're here to protect, and the blood­– the vampires– are our mortal enemies. Even if you weren't involved, or weren't with Jake we'd still be trying to run her out."

Bella's gaze drifted to Emily. I guess she'd gotten used to the scars that pulled half of Emily's face into a gruesome mask, cause she looked her straight in the eye. "And thanks for being so supportive. And the awesome picnic."

Emily laughed. "It was nothing. I know Jake has been a little mad he can't spend any time with you and I thought this was a good way to give you guys that."

"Anyway, you guys best get back to the house. I guess Charlie is coming for dinner, or something. Billy didn't really explain much, but…" Sam broke in.

"Yeah, we'll head up in a few minutes." I said.

"And Jake, I know you want to be in the front lines, but maybe one night won't hurt…"

"No Sam, I have to be out there with you guys. I can't let you do all the work while I sit back, I wouldn't be able to relax."

"I could order you." Sam grinned.

"Yeah, but you won't. You need us all."

"Too true. Now go, get your butts back home before Billy himself comes looking for you."

"We're going. I'll see you later, Sam. Later Em."

"Brat." I distinctly heard Sam mutter as I helped Bella up and we walked past. I laughed and took Bella's hand in mine, relishing in the fact that she was finally mine, and she wanted it that way.

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"I…" Bella hesitated in whatever she was going to say. "I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah, me too."


	7. Decoding the Unseen

_Chapter 6: Decoding the Unseen_

_Alice_

That girl. I just really have no clue what to think. I very distinctly saw her jump from that cliff in the middle of a storm. What the hell was I supposed to think? But no, according to Charlie when I called this morning Bella was fine and dandy. He even had the nerve to tell me not to call again, because his daughter was no longer my business. I'll bet if Bella hadn't been sitting there he would have said precisely what he meant instead of stupid veiled threats.

I debated going to see Bella for myself all day, but in the end I decided against it. If Charlie was right she was fine and she didn't need me interfering in her life. Just for kicks I tried to focus on her and see if I could catch her in a vision.

It's a little harder when I try to concentrate, since more or less my visions are geared towards the unlooked-for, but I can do it. I can't always catch what I want, but 9 times out of 10 I get lucky.

I was not lucky this time. In fact, I couldn't see her at all. Needless to say it worried me a little, not being able to find her. I've never _not_ been able to find her before. It was that lack of vision that I decided Charlie or no Charlie I had to see her in person to make sure she was okay.

While I went to go tell Jasper what I had planned I caught an unexpected glance at _Charlie_, but in the short course of the vision he flickered and disappeared. But not before I saw the sign.

Charlie was headed into the Indian Reservation, La Push. And I began to think…

~O~

"You shouldn't."

"But Jasper, you don't understand." I pouted.

"No, I don't but you know I will go along with almost anything."

"That's because you love me." I smiled winningly.

"You do know Edward is going to be rather upset over this?"

"So I simply won't tell him until after I have already done it." I clapped my hands together at my brilliance. Jasper simply raised an eyebrow at me.

"Then you had best leave before he comes back, and don't tell anyone else or he'll hear it from them."

"Duh." I gave my Jasper that look. Hello, I _do_ know the obvious. "But I don't see him in Bella's close future, so we should be okay."

"You just told me you can't see Bella at all, so of course you wouldn't see him in it." Jasper had me there and I shot him a glare. "And what's this 'we' business?"

"Well, you're going with me of course." I said in all seriousness. I so definitely couldn't do something like this without him.

"I am?"

I had to give him the _duh_ look again. "Of course you are. That's part of what I saw."

Jasper stared at me, his deep topaz eyes concerned. He looks really good when he's fed, you know. The golden eyes really suit him. But I digress.

"I suggest you tell me exactly what you saw." He said, leading me over to the bed. Of course, we were both perfectly comfortable standing, but some things just work better when you sit. Like talking.

"Well, I was looking for Bella, and I couldn't see her at all, which kind of worried me even though Charlie said she was okay. So I figured I would go take a peek. After I made the decision to go I got another vision of Charlie, and he was on his cell phone. I guess he had made a decision because he suddenly flickered out of my sight, but not before I saw where he was headed. And then almost immediately I got another vision, this one of me and you going back to Forks."

"And that was it? A clear cut in and out operation?"

"Yes. Bella never even knew we were there." I confirmed. Jasper seemed a little iffy for a minute, but of course having seen it I knew he would go with me. He is too easy to read.

"Then let's go, before I change my mind." He sighed and gave me a smile.

"Oh, don't worry. You don't change your mind." I replied.

~O~

Even as we travelled back to Washington I couldn't see Bella, and since I consider her to be a really great friend (and I saw it when Edward, the brat, first decided to date her) I was worried. I wanted to know why her future had disappeared.

Also on my mind was the fact that Charlie had disappeared as he went over the line into the reservation. What was that about? I had never particularly had cause to look for anyone at the reservation, even though I knew the story about why the Cullens before Jasper and I had come along never went there, and this strange disappearing act made me very curious. I personally couldn't go on reservation land because of that history, but that would not stop me from finding out one way or another. I can be very charming when I want to be.

We arrived in Forks on the usual grey, rainy day and I immediately headed over to her house. I knew she was in school, so it wasn't a big deal. I could be in and out before she ever knew I was in Forks.

We didn't find anything unusual, except for the hideous wet-dog smell and I wondered if she and Charlie had gotten a pet, but we didn't find any sign of one. Did they pet sit? This was really making me curious, and Jasper warned me once about curiosity and cats and all that old nonsense.

Since we found nothing at the house except the proof that she still slept there and was alive and kicking, I was put out. Yeah, I know I had told Jasper I just wanted to make sure she was okay and she was, as far as we could tell, but I wanted to know about _everything_.

Checking out the perimeter of the property was more of that horrible smell, and even Jasper was expressing worry about that. Inwardly I was gleefully rubbing my hands together, because this meant that he would gladly stay and do more research with me.

So we went back to the old house to talk about what we knew and Jasper asked me again about the stories concerning the Cullens and the Quiluete. As I was explaining the pact made with the tribe elders it hit me: _werewolves_. That was why everything at Bella's smelled so sickening. Go figure she'd immediately find an immortal replacement for us. The girl is hardwired for the abnormal, I swear.

And as I realised the werewolf angle I also realised something else: _I could not see the wolves._ As in, at all. Human or wolf form, I was blind. And if Bella was at the reservation, with the wolves, then that explained why I could not see her, not if her thoughts and decisions all revolved around them.

And this was bad. Edward was _not_ going to be happy.

"Edward won't be pleased." Jasper sighed.

_Duh._

How was I going to keep this hidden from him next time he came home? He was bound to eventually, when he got tired of hunting Victoria, and then where would we be? Neither Jasper nor I could hide this from him forever, and even though he had promised Bella he wouldn't bother her, he'd just let her be and live her life, there was no way he'd allow her to play Russian roulette with _werewolves_. Werewolves are _dangerous_, especially young ones.

"I think I need to go to Bella's tonight. I need to talk to her, Jasper. I need to see her, make sure those animals haven't hurt her."

Jasper knows me well, and he knows there is no changing my mind. I was going to see Bella one way or another, and he wasn't stopping me.

~O~

"Alice? Oh my God, ALICE!" Bella gasped, then screeched as she saw me at the door. She threw herself at me and I could smell her blood, though it's not as strong for me as it is for Edward. Good thing Jasper made me feed before he would let me come. "What are you _doing_ here?" She peeked around me as if looking for someone.

"I…had a feeling. I had to come see if you were okay." I replied. She frowned at me.

"You were watching me?"

"Not purposely, but I saw that little stunt you pulled. Jumping, Bella?" I shook my head.

"Cliff diving. It's a recreational sport." Bella lifted her chin defiantly.

"In a storm?"

"Okay, so I should have waited until Jake could be there. I already got that lecture from him." She sighed. Then she looked around again. "You should come in before they see you."

"They?" I asked as I did as she bade.

"The, uh, boys from La Push." She looked like she was hiding something from me.

"And why would the boys from La Push be here?"

"Um, because, uh, me and Jake, uh, we…"

"You're dating a Quiluete?" I asked, maybe a little more sharp than I intended.

"Yes." That defiant chin tilt again. "At least…at least Jake really loves me."

I studied her. She seemed nervous, and there was something about her. She was thinner than last year and definitely changed, but I couldn't exactly place it.

"So, did anyone else come back?" I cold hear both longing and dread in her voice.

"Just Jasper, and we're not staying. I told you, I just had to check on you. How are you doing, Bella?"

"Better now. I wasn't…I wasn't doing so good for a little while." She finally answered.

That's when it hit me: Edward's leaving had totally destroyed her.

My revelation didn't get any further before a very angry and very big Jacob Black came bursting in, and I frowned.

"Bella!" He pulled her into his arms and glared at me. "When Quil told me he had scented one of them near the house I was so worried."

"But it's just Alice." She frowned.

"But nothing. I thought it might be–"

"It's okay, I'm leaving." Ugh, he smelled like a _dog_. A really _wet_ dog. That had been trolling the _swamp. _

"Good. And don't come back. She's mine now."

Oh, yeah. This was a good trip. And Edward was _definitely not going to be happy._ I think I made it totally worse, and I had not seen this coming.

"Jake." Bella looked mad. "She's my friend. _Remember_?"

The dog glared at me, then placed a kiss atop her head. "I'm sorry, Bells. Yeah, I'll behave. I'll go tell the guys it's just _Alice_."


	8. It's All About Letting Go Yeah, Right

_Chapter 7: It's All About Letting Go. Yeah, Right._

_Edward_

She was up to something. And Jasper was protecting her. They had avoided me since I had come home, and I just knew she was hiding something.

"Alice…" I sang. She jumped in a nervous way. I had managed to surprise her, which is _not_ possible. Not with Alice. I was sitting at my piano, just playing around, nothing in particular, but out of the blue began to play that stupid Jeopardy theme.

"Yes?" She was…translating the American Constitution into Finnish? Yeah, definitely hiding something.

"You're keeping something from me."

"What?" A nervous little giggle. Very un-Alice like.

"So, Esme tells me you and Jasper took a little trip last weekend. Where did you go?"

"Oh, northwest."

"Ah, visiting Tanya?"

"We were near the area, yeah." Finnish is, I must say, an interesting language, but she had to slip up sometime.

"You didn't by any chance go near Forks, did you?"

"Of course…not." If she thinks I didn't hear that mental pause then she really must think I'm stupid.

"How's Bella doing?" My heart wrenched. God, I was so stupid. But no, she needed to live a normal life. I did the right thing.

"Oh she's doing o–" Alice trailed off as she realised what she was saying. "I mean, uh, I guess she's doing okay."

"You went back! Even though you _promised_!" I whirled around. "Why, Alice?"

"I had too!" She wailed. "I lost her future! I had to see if she was okay!"­

"You lost her future?" If I could grow any paler than I naturally was, I'm sure now would have been it. "_How_ did you _lose_ her _future_?"

Alice's eyes darted towards the door, as if gauging how quickly she could make it against my speed. "Shejumpedoffacliffinastormandnowsheisdatingawerewolf." She blurted out at super speed.

"WHAT!" I jumped to my feet. "A _cliff_? Suicide?"

"No, no!" Alice quickly reassured me. "It is, apparently, a recreational sport among the young crowd." Her lips twitched with amusement.

"And now? Is she okay?"

Alice was looking at me, her head tilted to one side as she gauged my mood. "She seems to be doing…well." Now she was trying to remember every obscure verse in one of those terribly annoying Irish drinking songs. I narrowed my eyes and took a few steps towards her, only to have Jasper snarl and bar my way.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way." I hissed at him.

"Don't you dare touch her, Edward. Calm down first, then _I_ will tell you everything I know about it, okay?"

"Jasper! You _promised_." Alice pouted.

"So did you." I glared at her. "You broke yours, so he can break his." Yeah, I know it's not very good logic, but for these purposes it works.

I allowed Jasper to steer me outside, though I did shoot another glare at Alice before leaving. She was chewing her lip and I suddenly wondered what could be so terrible that she wouldn't want to tell me.

"Wait a minute, did she say _werewolf_?" I stopped in mid-step.

"I said I would explain, Edward. Let me before you go running off to save the day, okay?"

"Okay." I grudgingly accepted the terms. I ran my hand through my hair, a decidedly human action but unavoidable right now.

"First of all, I was against us going back, but you know Alice. She said she saw me and her there, so I couldn't very well refuse since I'd obviously already said yes. We went and we weren't going to even show ourselves at all, but when we went to the house there was a distinct _smell_…"

"What kind of smell?" I asked sharply.

"A doggy sort of smell." Jasper looked as if he was in pain. He was doing his best to keep his thoughts veiled, obviously telling me to let him tell it at his own pace.

"So? They got a dog." I said, though that didn't seem like something Bella would do, or Charlie for that matter.

"No, Edward, they didn't."

I stared at him, my own thoughts going a mile a minute.

"And so, because we only knew she was alive but not if she was okay Alice and I went back to the old house to await evening when Alice planned to go see Bella in person, just to make sure she was okay. I asked her to tell me the history of your original settlement in Forks."

"But you already know the story."

"I wanted a refresher. To help me understand some of her weird visions."

That was when he sighed and allowed his thoughts to come through again. I must have made a sound or movement that alerted him, because before I knew it Emmett was there and holding me back.

"Jasper, what the _hell_ did you tell him? He looks like he wants to rip something apart."

"He does." Jasper looked grim as I refocused back to the present.

"_Werewolves?_" I whispered. "She's consorting with _werewolves_?"

Emmett must have felt the anger leave me, because he let go and I sank down onto my knees. Again I was running my hands through my hair.

"Werewolves?" Emmett repeated. Carlisle must have been nearby, and Emmett wasn't very quiet in his question anyway.

"Edward?" Carlisle's soft voice drifted into the vicinity. _What's wrong? What is this about werewolves?_

"Oh Carlisle, my life is ended." I said. Before Emmett could grab me again I was gone.

I just ran. I had no specific destination, and I didn't plan on one. Alice could track me if I made a decision, so I simply kept running. I must have made an unconscious decision, though, because I found myself headed northwest. Northwest towards Washington. Northwest to Forks. To Bella.

I don't know when I stopped. I don't know why I stopped, or even where I was. I just know that rational thought suddenly came to me and I took in my surroundings. I was somewhere in the mountains, but they were familiar. We had often come hunting up here. I was near Forks.

Something didn't feel right and I began to listen. I could hear it, a muzzy mental muttering and I stalked my 'prey', trying to discover who it was. As I got closer it came clearer. It was another vampire, but not one of my family. The mental flavour was not immediately familiar to me, so I tried using smell. That was more familiar, but not directly. It wasn't until I caught one thought that made me freeze in my tracks.

_I'll get her, James. Stupid dogs can't protect her forever. I shall avenge you._

Now, now I knew precisely who it was. Victoria. We had never considered her a threat, and now I knew we had been wrong to do so. Again the rage came over me and I began to hunt for her, Victoria. But I never found her. She disappeared from me, her trail leading me to the ocean. Damn. She could stay there forever, she could head inland anywhere.

Then I remembered the rest of Jasper's story. Werewolves. Bella had new friends now, a new _boyfriend_ at that. A dog. She had forgotten me. It was what I had wanted, wasn't it? I wanted her to lead a normal life? But damn it, that wasn't normal! What could those dogs give her that I couldn't? Nothing, of course.

Just like I was nothing. Without Bella I was nothing. These past months had been torture, and useless. I was slightly embarrassed at my tracking skills; we may not have considered Victoria dangerous, but that had not stopped me from hunting her, and now I find she had not even _been_ in South America. I don't know how long she'd been up here, but from that one clear thought about avenging James, I figured it must have been long enough to locate Bella, to realise she was being protected.

Though I had to wonder how much _protection_ they could really give her. I had not been able to keep Bella from harm, and I regretted it every day. Now she was accepting kisses from a stupid mangy _animal_ and depending on _him_ to keep her safe, to do the job I had been too much of coward to do.

_Edward._

The thought was clear, and I knew who it was.

"What do you want, Carlisle." I sighed.

"I want you to come home."

"I can't." I turned to face him. Alice must have told him where I was, or he'd been following me.

"But why? Isn't this what you wanted? Bella has a new life, a normal life. That is why we left, is it not? So she could be normal."

"You don't understand!" I wailed. I sounded like a petulant child denied candy.

"Then explain it to me."

"Victoria. She's hunting Bella, set on revenge for James' death last spring. I can't leave Bella now."

"But you already have left her, Edward. That's why we moved, because to lose you would tear this family apart. You _are_ my son, and I don't want to lose you."

"But I cannot stand it. I need her, Carlisle."

"You gave her up, Edward. You are letting her have the life she should have."

"Did you know that according to Alice and Jasper she is dating–"

"A Quiluete boy? Yes. I know the entire story from Alice."

"Does that mean nothing to you? I have to save her."

"But why? She seemed happy. That's what Jasper said, that she felt happy enough to him. Did it ever occur to you, Edward, that maybe this is what she wants?"

"An _animal_? Carlisle, they are _dangerous_."

"And we aren't?" Carlisle's statement hit me. We were dangerous, another reason I had forced myself to leave Bella, the only girl I have ever loved. The only girl I wanted to keep safe. But was where she was much safer? I struggled with this, staring out at the water.

"I need to be alone. I'll…I'll come home when I've wrapped my head around this." I said.

"Please, Edward. You know we love you. Don't take too long, and don't do anything stupid."

"Of course not. What would I do, ask the Volturi to kill me?" I let out a bitter laugh. "I may be in pain, but I don't think I could do that."

Carlisle regarded me with sad but understanding eyes. "Just come home. You're always welcome."


	9. Feeling the Emptiness

_Chapter 8: Feeling the Emptiness_

_Edward_

I had to see it for myself. I knew Carlisle would tell the others that I needed time; he wouldn't let Alice follow me, even though he couldn't stop her from watching for me. I had to go and see Bella's supposed happiness for myself, but in keeping with my promise I would not let her see me. I had to keep that promise. I had done so much to her she didn't deserve, I had to do one thing right.

I could not go to her house first of. That was too painful. So instead I went to the school. Not _in_ it of course, I did not want to be seen, but I did hang around outside. It helps to have super, well, everything, because it meant I could watch her from afar.

Watching her at lunch was difficult. She and I used to eat together. Well, she ate and I watched, but it amounts to the same thing. She sat with her _human_ friends, but did not join much in the conversation. Sadly I could not help but peek in on the thoughts of a few of them.

Jessica was fretting about homework left undone and only half listening to the rest of her friends, but Angela had some interesting thoughts. Apparently she had either asked or been told about Bella's new boyfriend, and she and Bella sat, heads together, talking about it. Ugh. I shuddered but listened anyway. Was this not what I had wanted?

_One of the Rez boys. Hmm, I hope she knows what she's doing._ _It's only been a few months since Edward left, but it sounds like this boy really likes her. And I think she might like him back. _Angela's thoughts made me cringe. _Even if Mike didn't have a high opinion about him. Huh, I think I remember which one he was from that beach cookout now…_

Speaking of Mike Newton, I left Angela's head and focused on the boy in question. He was pretending not to listen to Angela and Bella but his thoughts said otherwise. _Ugh. Jacob Black. Isn't he too young for her? I hate to admit it but I think even Cullen was a better choice. I wish she could just see it._

After that his thoughts digressed into the differences between Jessica Stanley and Bella, and I drew away. Pondering what I had "heard" I only half noticed Bella stop and peer out the window as she went to dump her tray. She had a slight frown on her face, but then Jessica tugged her arm and they went off to class.

I had resituated myself out in front of the school for the end of it and gazed longingly at her as she left. She had her arms hugged close around her chest and was huddled into her jacket, though I don't think the day was that chilly. The noise didn't register until he came into view, riding a _motorcycle_. And then the worst part, _Bella got on the bike_. No one looked particularly surprised that some _guy_ was picking Bella up, which indicated he'd done this before. He handed her a helmet that I am pleased to say she put on, but that did not lessen the alarm I felt when she wrapped her arms around him instead of herself and they went flying out of the lot.

I quickly followed them. I could not let her out of my sight, not knowing the potential danger she had just placed herself into. The fact of what Jacob Black _was_ was bad enough, but now he harmed her very life even _more_ by subjecting her to that old bike that probably should not have been on the road in the first place.

The first stop was Bella's house, which brought even more painful memories of how I used to watch her sleep. I had even oiled her window to keep it from squealing when I went in. Oh, this hurt. Why was I subjecting myself to this torture? I deserved it, I knew. I had left her, I deserved every second of seeing her happy without me. From my pocket I removed the bottle cap I had saved from our first lunch. I never let that cap out of my sight but now it brought pain and in a fit of pique I drew my arm back, ready to throw it.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't destroy a _memory_ of her so easily. The cap back in my pocket I focused on them, for they were back on the porch, talking about something. Bella was smiling and laughing about something. I could have listened to the dog's thoughts if I had wanted, but it was just too nice to see her smiling I didn't want to ruin it. If I had anything in my stomach it would have been nice to throw it up, which is what I felt like doing when they kissed. And not some _brotherly_ kiss, but a full on frontal. And her arms were even _around his neck_.

Oh, yes. I deserved this torture. I forced myself to watch. Without _purposely_ meaning to I allowed his thoughts in and really felt my heart breaking. He was thinking about how great it was that she'd accepted him fully, that she was committed to their relationship and how it was a huge change from the prior months. I didn't quite understand that, but let it slide as they got back on the bike and took off.

I would have followed, but I knew they were going to the reservation and I was not welcome there. I was surprised that Jacob had not realised I was even there. I may not like him or what he is, but I do have an appreciation for his instinct and nose. But then, he _had_ been distracted. Ugh.

Well, I had seen her happiness. That was what I'd had to convince myself of. I had fulfilled my promise and she had moved on. So why was I so unhappy? Not for the first time I wished I could hear her thoughts, see her personal take on all this. It always was frustrating ­–and still is– that I could not get inside her head.

Unable to help myself, even knowing that Jacob Black would know I'd been there, I crept into her room. Beneath the floorboards was her pictures, dusty now, and the CD with her lullaby. I had made my mind up and followed through. I had left her to have a life, something she would not have had if I stayed. I had only wanted her to be happy, to keep her soul and not waste such a precious thing on me. I couldn't blame Carlisle for damning me, and I couldn't blame myself. At least if she survived the wolf's temper she would have a full life and keep her soul. I would not take that from her. I _could not_ take that from her.

Replacing the items and the floorboards I took another long look around the room I had spent so much time in and felt that dry pricking feeling. Vampires cannot cry, and the feeling is very uncomfortable. But again I figured I deserved this. I deserved every ounce of pain these memories gave me.

Leaving her room I just ran. I went to my meadow, though it was not as beautiful as I remembered it. Nothing could be, not since the last time I had really been happy there, the day I'd spent with Bella there. At the time I had not realised how happy I was, but now I did. And I would never have that again.

Until Bella I had never really lived, and now because of Bella I never would again. I was not blaming it on her, but on myself because I did not want her to give up her mortality for me. I was not worth that. Leaving the meadow I wandered. I had no destination in mind.

Which is why when I ended up at the old house it was a surprise. Of course the house was dark, and it even had the feeling of being abandoned. Carlisle and Esme had refused to sell it. Someday we might return to these parts, and it was difficult to find a house so isolated. The windows were dark, the yard overgrown. It was lonely. It looked the way I felt.

As twilight fell I came alert. I had heard something and I wanted to know who dared to intrude on my solitude. A rustle and the least expected person stepped out. He glared at me.

"You are one _tough_ leech to track." Jacob Black said.

"And why are you tracking me?"

"Why were you at the school and Bella's house?" He shot his own questions back. "Why were you in her room?"

"Because I had to see for myself that she was happy. I had to see it so I could just go and never return."

"And have you seen what you wanted?"

"Yes."

"Then go, and don't come back. She doesn't belong to you anymore, Cullen. She will never belong to you again."

I studied him. He was tense, as expected, and anger radiated off him. I couldn't help but listen in on his thoughts. He was thinking of them as kids, playing together. And then First Beach, that day he told her the Quileute legends. And he thought of their first kiss, the day they had a beach picnic.

He was thinking of teaching her to ride her own motorcycle, to my horror, and the day she jumped from the cliff Alice had told me about. He was thinking about how _he _had been the one there to pull her out, not I. He was right, she wasn't mine anymore. And she never would be mine again. I had promised her, after all.

"Do not worry, Black. I will not come again. I will not bother her or you."

"Then you are leaving?"

"Tonight. Now. I will not return to Forks during her lifetime." I would not return to Forks ever. I could not live in a world where Bella was not, and since she was my world I could not live.

I knew he would follow me until I left town, and possibly a little ways after to be sure, but I was leaving, as promised. I also knew he would not tell her, ever, about this visit. My first order of business was to go home. I had to reassure them that I was alive, that I was okay with Bella's new life.

I had to mislead them, and I had to make sure Alice could not see my plans. I knew I was going to die, but I did not know how or when. I had yet to figure that out. I did not even know where I was going to go to act out this plan for death. And this lack of plans would be my saving grace concerning Alice; if I did not know she would not see it. Not until it was too late, anyway.

Just as I knew, even if Alice had seen my decision to die already, Carlisle would not allow her to follow me. Sure, they would all try to talk me out of it but in the end I knew it would not have any effect.

~O~

"Edward, you just got home! Why are you leaving again so soon?" Esme asked.

"I just have to." I smiled at her.

"Did you get the information you wanted?" Jasper said. _Did you think we were lying about Bella?_

"Yes, I got what I wanted." I replied. _Not really_. "And no, I believed you, I just had to see it for myself." _And did I ever see it._

"Be safe in Italy." Alice piped up. Her eyes were dark and I knew she and Jasper would be leaving to go out hunting soon. That would be the best time to leave. I couldn't help but glare at her for letting out my destination.

"Italy." Carlisle said, watching me. "Why there?"

"Because." I replied stubbornly. "I want to go there."

"Give Aro, Marcus and Caius my regards."

"Of course."

"And come home."

Well, I couldn't very well promise to come home when I had no plans to ever come home again. Soon enough I would be dead. "Sure." I gave him an easy smile. What do you know, it's easy to promise something when you know you'll be dead and can't fulfil it.

Soon enough we all parted ways and I headed for the airport. I wanted to have this over with as soon as possible and swimming to Europe would take too long for me. So I was flying. I still was not sure of what I was going to do once I got there, but somehow I wold figure out a way to cease existing.

~O~

"I desire to understand why you wish this of us." Aro asked me in return to my plea for death. "Tell us, young Edward."

"I cannot live without love, but love is not mine to claim." I hedged. I did not want them to know about Bella.

"You are young. You may yet meet someone." Aro reached out a hand to me. I hesitated but I knew also that they would never carry out my death if I could not properly explain. Since I had never seen Jacob Black as a werewolf I figured letting Aro see the memories of him and Bella together would be safe enough. Jacob's secret would be safe, and Bella would be as well. I let him take my hand.

"I see. So you have found her but she cannot be yours. A mortal, brothers. He loves a mortal."

"Then why not bring her over?" Caius asked.

"I could not sentence her to such a fate." I replied.

"Then forget her. We shall not give you what you want, but join us, Edward." Aro offered.

"I will not. I cannot live in a world where she is not!" I exploded. "She is my life and yet she isn't, and I cannot _live_ with that."

As if I had never made an outburst the three watched me and Aro bade me sit again. "Give us three days. We will have our decision on your request then."

"Thank you."

I left the Volturi. Three days. Three more days of torture before I knew if they were going to kill me or not. And the other offer, to join the ranks? How could I possibly do so? How could I live on knowing Bella could never be mine? No, I would never consider joining the Volturi guard.

That was when I knew that if they did not give me death I would have to force their hand. I would have to do the worst and _make_ them kill me. I would have to expose myself for what I was; I would have to show Volterra that vampires still existed, and then they would have no choice but to kill me.

It was perfect, really. But how to do it? How would I show Volterra what I was? I began to plan; I had three days to think on it, after all. It couldn't be too difficult.


	10. You Think You Won and Then It's All Gone

_Chapter 9: You Think You Won and Then It's All Gone_

_Jacob_

I followed him out of Forks, but he stayed true to his promise and kept going. Since I was in wolf form Sam and the guys knew everything that was happening and I filled them in on the rest.

After all that I was beat and Sam _told_ me I had to go home, get some sleep. He wouldn't hear of me staying out any longer until I was well rested and alert. This one time I had to agree with him, the exhaustion and simmering anger wearing me down to the point of uselessness. I had believed him enough when he said he'd only come to see her happiness, but not that he would never return during her lifetime. He would never be able to keep himself away; I just hoped he managed it long enough to let me have my chance.

I knew that deep down Bella and I were meant for each other, that we could be happy if she was only given the chance to see it, experience it. I hoped that someday, provided _he_ didn't screw it all up, that we might even marry. I may have been only sixteen by birth age, but physically I was at least twenty-five; mentally, I wasn't sure. I had had to care for my dad for a long time now, I had my newer werewolf responsibilities on my shoulders, had school to think of. By the time I was legally 18 I would be more than ready to commit to marriage. If she was; she was the catch, though I would wait forever for her.

I barely had the energy to crawl in the door only to be assaulted by Billy almost immediately. Inwardly I groaned. I just wanted to go to _bed_ and maybe stay there a week.

"Your girlfriend called. She wanted to see if you were around to say goodnight to."

"Ah." I rubbed my eyes. "I'll call her now, before I forget."

Picking up the phone I dialled Bella's number and her breathless little hello made me forget for a second how tired I was. She was undeniably pleased I had called back and quickly let me know why she had called.

"That's sweet Bells." I yawned. "I am so _dead_ right now, though. I'll see you tomorrow though."

We traded those simpering little 'love yous' and goodbyes that I used to think were icky but now live to hear her say and I tried to hang up the phone, missing the cradle completely. Unable to care I just waved my hand at it and stumbled off towards my room. Billy would pick it up and put it where it belonged. Not bothering to turn the light on I just walked in and allowed myself to fall at a slant across the bed that takes up almost the whole room. It's still not big enough for me even when I sleep like that, but I can't stand to curl up; my temperature is way to high for that to be comfortable unless I'm outside on a cool night or in my wolf form.

I don't know how long I slept, but the light coming in the window when I woke looked approximately mid morning-ish. I felt tons better after sleeping so long and now I was hungry. The only things I could find in _my_ kitchen were the heels of a desiccated bread loaf and the scrapings of some grape jelly. This, by the way, is not good fuel for someone who can eat a day's worth of food in one sitting. Since Billy was no where to be seen I figured Sue had taken him to do the grocery shopping. Thwarted from a good meal at home I decided to catch up on the news I'd missed while sleeping as well as grab sustenance by going over to Emily's. She always had something cooking or baking.

"Jacob!" Embry grinned as I came in. I knew it was my name, even though it sounded more like muffin crumbs spewing from his lips and a 'wafub' than my actual name, by his happy look. I gave him a scrutinising look.

"Why aren't you at school?"

"Why aren't you?" He shot back. This time, though, it came out normal since he'd swallowed the muffin.

"Cause I was sleeping after chasing Edward Cullen off our land and halfway through Idaho."

"Ah. Well, _I'm_ not in school because I'm just playing hooky. My mom's a little miffed at me, so I'm lying low for a little."

"And skipping school is going to get off her radar how?" I had snagged my own muffin pan by this time and was quickly devouring the three that sat in it.

Embry looked like he hadn't thought that far. "Besides," he shrugged. "I was out running late last night."

"Uh huh." I mumbled. Emily chose that moment to come in. She paused a second, looked at Embry then looked at me, shook her head and smiled then commenced to remove another awesome looking pan from the oven.

"Blueberry crumble." She said. "Don't touch or I'll sic Sam on you. Jacob, would you like some breakfast? I'd assume you had no food at your house."

"That sounds like the best idea I've heard in a long time." I grinned at her. "And how did you guess my intentions?"

Emily laughed. "Because Billy called me earlier and warned me that Sue was taking him shopping and there was nothing to eat in the house."

"Oh." I blinked in surprise at Billy's forethought. To my knowledge Sue was not yet privy to any information concerning our duality despite Harry's having been on the Elder Council which made it all Billy's doing. This was unlike him.

"I'll whip some eggs and biscuits up for you. I think I have some bacon in the freezer, too."

"What about me?" Embry's lower lip trembled and he tried to look innocent, not an impossible feat for him.

"You've been eating since you arrived and you have food at home, you're just too scared to go back in case your mom is there." Emily waggled a wooden spoon at him. "You don't get any eggs unless Jacob feels like sharing."

"Jacob, brother," Embry started. I eyeballed him, a smile creeping across my lips as I debated sharing.

"Oh shut your mouth Embry. I'll share. But I get first dibs. You get left-behinds."

"Fair enough." Embry leaned back in his chair only to have Emily kick the leg he was balancing on, making the chair slip and he scrambled not to fall on his ass.

"And don't abuse my furniture like that." She warned. I quickly set my own chair back on all four feet before I could be scolded also.

It did not take long for my mouth to begin watering as Em made a breakfast worthy of a king. Embry had caught me up on the rest of the night before while we waited and Emily threw in a few things Sam had told her. It wasn't until I was halfway through eating that I realised neither of them had mentioned my little trip with the bloodsucker the night before.

"So, there haven't been any other sucker sightings, right? They're keeping their promise?" I asked casually. Embry began coughing and Emily slapped him on the back, both of them avoiding my gaze.

"Uh, I think I should go now. If I hurry I can still make it to third block." Embry looked extremely uncomfortable and if his choking fit had not red-flagged the situation then his avoidance did and I narrowed my eyes.

"Stay where you are." I growled. Being the second-in-command he had to do what I said if I ordered it and this was not a request. He thumped back in the chair and buried his face in his arms on the table top. "Now spill it all."

"Jake, please." He looked pained. "Can't this wait until Sam gets back?"

"You are hiding something from me. I want to know what it is."

I couldn't believe how much Embry was fidgeting and refusing when it occurred to me that maybe he wasn't _allowed_ to tell me, by edict from the Alpha. Embry was normally very forthcoming, so this was the only answer I could find that satisfied my ire.

As I sat there stewing and Embry squirmed, Emily cleaned up. I was still trying to figure out what was so horrible Sam would have directed Embry, and probably the other guys should I run into them, not to speak of it when the man himself showed up. I turned on him before he could even kiss Em.

"What is it about the leeches that Embry won't, or rather _can't_, tell me?" I demanded.

Sam did not even look surprised by my question, just resigned. "I would rather you not know at this moment, Jake. And don't think to ask, the others will not be able to say anything about it until I give leave."

"Does it have anything to do with Bella or her safety?"

"Not directly. And if you don't know she won't know, and that is best for both of you. Let me take care of this, Jake."

I narrowed my eyes as I measured him up. Whatever he was hiding was obviously explosive if he didn't even want _Bella_ knowing. I was very big on Bella knowing everything if it concerned her and he knew it.

"Please, Jake." Embry begged. "Listen to Sam."

"You'll tell me when it's finished?" I asked, ignoring Embry's rush from the kitchen.

"I promise, Jacob, you'll know when it's finished."

"Good." I sat back down and rescued the rest of Embry's meal from congealing.

When I was done I rinsed my plate and utensils and then, without even saying goodbye to Sam or Emily, left. Since I was angry at being left out of the loop I felt the need to just _run_, but I didn't want to phase. Slamming my fist into the bole of a tree I gave a growl and took off; even in human form I'm pretty fast and it was minutes before I found myself heading to the beach. It would be fairly crowded by now with the early surfers out. The waves would be good today, after the storm we'd had yesterday.

Deciding I didn't want to be around people I veered off that course and headed deeper into the woods, deciding I would go find that meadow Bella had almost gotten killed at by the leech she'd called Laurent. I had been there the one time in wolf form, but I didn't think it would be too hard to find it now.

I had not even gotten halfway there, though I was off Quileute land now, when a smell made me pause. Stopping where I was I sniffed again and grimaced, then looked around.

"I know you're nearby." I called out. It was not Victoria, I knew her smell well, but one of the Cullens, or several. I knew their smell, too. Out of the trees stepped the vampire doctor and the one I vaguely recalled as his mate.

"Please, do not attack us." The male held his hands out in an 'I-mean-no-harm' gesture. He obviously remembered my grandfather and knew what I was.

"What do you want?"

"My daughter is adamant that only Bella can save her brother." He replied with a sigh. "Please, allow us to take her."

"Yeah, right. You have _got_ to be kidding." I snorted. "Bella is under pack protection and she is _not_ going anywhere with _anyone_ from your family."

He traded a look with the female. She stepped forward and looked at me with a sad smile. "Edward is going to commit vampire suicide." She sighed. "Alice has seen his decision and there is little time to waste. Bella is the only way I can save my son."

"She is going nowhere." I crossed my arms over my chest. They knew what I was, they knew how fast I could phase and rip them apart. I thought for a moment. "You're the ones Sam refuses to tell me about. Well, you have your answer, now leave."

"Please." The female looked so unhappy that for the tiniest millisecond I felt sorry for her, until I breathed in and remembered what she was.

"No. And I'm sure Sam told you the same thing." The hairs on my neck prickled suddenly and two more of them appeared, the blonde and her mate. She sneered at me.

"I don't like Bella, and Edward pisses me off royally most of the time but I will not just let him die because you have some sort of wolfy grudge against us, _dog_." She hissed. The big male beside her wrapped his arms around her, I guess to prevent her from storming me.

From behind me I heard the growls and I knew Sam had followed me, at least. Sparing half a second to glance behind me I was surprised to see almost the whole pack; he must have really been booking it to get them all together to follow me. I looked back to the blonde. There was no way the four of them would attack me now, not with my brothers to back me up.

"I did not want a fight." The doctor sighed. "Rosalie, back off. Please, we just want to save Edward."

"That is not my problem or Bella's," I replied. "Because _he_ left her and if that makes him depressed and suicidal or whatever he is then that is _his_ problem, his fault and his to deal with. End. Of. Story."

"Then we are done here." He nodded towards Sam, took his mate by the hand and then turned and they ran. The blonde hesitated for a second to send us a glare until the big one tugged on her hand and she ran off.

Whipping around I glared at the huge black wolf behind me. "You should have told me."

Sam shook his head and whined. I guess he had hoped to take care of it and spare me that confrontation; he'd just been too late when I left Emily's without letting him know.

"Yes, you should have." I informed him. I looked over the pack again noticing that Embry was missing. "Where's Em?"

Sam dug at the ground and growled a little, shaking his head towards the left. I gathered that meant Embry was pacing Bella as she did whatever. I sighed and ran my hands through my short hair and stared at Sam again.

"I'm going to go be with Bella now. Don't follow us, okay? I'll speak with you all later, but right now I just need to be with my girlfriend."

Sam whined, nudged me lightly and then wheeled around, the others following. He had just been trying to protect me, protect Bella, from an unnecessary confrontation but still, it was wrong. If I'd known I could have prepared to be ambushed by the Cullens.

I didn't phase as I headed towards Bella's since I did not want to listen or speak to the pack. It would take me slightly longer to get to where I was going but at least my thoughts were my own.

Did I want Bella to know her ex-boyfriend was suicidal? If I told her would she insist on going to him, the way the little one, Alice, insisted she should? I tell her and she runs off, my life was done. I don't tell her and she finds out somehow, she'd break up with me surely. Either way I was dead. I decided not to tell her.


	11. Hard Lessons and Tragic Endings

_Chapter 10: Hard Lessons and Tragic Endings_

_Edward_

"Please do not do it, Edward." She beseeched me. I am sure if she was capable tears would have been pouring. Behind me in grey cloaks were Aro's most trusted, little Jane and her twin Alec, Dmitri and Felix. They were waiting to see what I would do.

Before me stood Alice, also cloaked. As they waited, as I deliberated, the sun crept higher in the sky. My chance would soon be gone. If I was going to go through with this it was now, and yet something in Alice's pleading struck a nerve.

"I've seen it all, and I am begging you not to do any of it. Come home with me, Edward. Come home and join us again. We miss you." She held out a second cloak towards me.

"Nothing matters anymore." I said tiredly. "I have nothing left to live for."

"You have everything." She answered in a low voice.

"She was my life, Alice!" I glared at her. "She was the only thing I have ever wanted. I could not keep her safe and I could not damn her so I left, but it was the worst thing I could have done. I buried my love alive and now I am following it into that grave."

"You don't understand!" Alice cried. "If you go out into that sun you will be punished but not how you think."

Behind me I heard Jane's sinister laugh. She knew what her master had planned for me should I expose myself but she was not telling. Jane is very big on torture.

"Then tell me, Alice. Tell me what could be worse than this?"

"Fine." She replied shortly. "If you step into that light Aro, Marcus and Caius have decided they will have you tortured until you beg for death, but you will not get your wish. Eventually Aro's offer will be given once more. I saw you accept it, Edward, even before you realised you wanted it."

I stared at her. How did she know I had even considered Aro's proposal? I had made no decisions, to my knowledge, about accepting it but here she was telling me I had. I could not fathom it.

"I would never become one of them."

"But you do, Edward, unless you come home with me now."

I finally let down my guard, let her into my head and listened to what she'd been trying to push on me. She had seen me accept a position in Aro's contingent, had seen me kill humans, drink from them. She saw me become the monster I had tried to tell Bella I was. The images horrified me.

"I cannot go back, Alice." I choked out. "But I do not want to become that."

"Then leave with me now. Once we are out of Volterra tonight you can go wherever you want, but please Edward, change your mind."

"She loves him." I stated, though my words seemed out of context.

"I think so." Alice nodded. "But we love you. I don't want to lose you. Come with me."

~O~

Numbly I lay in the snow and stared up at the stars. I had followed Alice, left Volterra, but I had not been able to face the others. Carlisle, my father and creator; Esme, my mother; Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper: I could not face them again. I had left Alice behind as soon as our plane landed. I was now somewhere in the middle of nowhere Alaska.

In my head were the memories I had of my last glimpse of Bella as she laughed happily and kissed him. As she gave her love to someone else. Shaking those unpleasant thoughts away I remembered instead the happiest moment of my life, the day she and I came to terms in the meadow. The day I lost my heart to a mortal.

I knew I would never stop loving her; I still wanted to die but the Volturi would not give me that which I wanted. It was either suffer alone, suffer with they who still claimed me as family, or become a worse monster than I already was. The choices were not very appealing, but the first was the most tolerable.

I had already decided to lose the name I had gone by for almost a hundred years and revert back to my human name. I did not want to be tied to the Cullens, did not want to know them any longer. They were reminders to what I was giving up. I knew I would need to get up soon, need to hunt, but I ignored the thirst. Instead I sighed and closed my eyes, sinking deeper into the snow.

Life would have to wait until the heartbreak ceased.

~O~

I don't know how long I lay there, how long it was before my eyes fluttered open. I had not slept, I was incapable of doing so, but I had drifted. I had allowed my mind to go free, thinking only of times before Bella, trying to get back to a time when I was not happy but at least I was not lost.

_Edward…_

The thought was not mine. It came from nearby and I struggled up from my snowy bed to see Tanya sitting nearby. She looked comfortable, as if she had been there for quite some time. Her eyes were focused on me, and they were black. She had not fed for a while. As I realised that I also recognised my own hunger.

"How long?" I asked. Tanya sighed.

"A week. Irina found you here. The three of us have been taking turns sitting and watching you."

"Did you tell the Cullens?" I asked. She hesitated but I did not need her words; I already knew her thoughts. She was concerned by my calling the others by their name as if it was not mine, and Kate had indeed sought Carlisle and told him of my whereabouts.

"Yes." She finally replied, knowing very well I had taken the answer from her. She looked away from me for a brief second then returned her gaze to mine. She was holding nothing back in her thoughts, she never did.

"Please, Tanya, not now." I whispered.

"I just need to know why."

"Because I love her."

"She is mortal."

"That does not stop you." I shot her a cold look.

"But I do not stay with one person," she argued. "I love them but I do not let them rule my life as you have let her do."

"I have never felt love like this before. It is new to me, and beautiful, but even the most beautiful things can hurt. I left her behind because I cannot see her as a monster like me, but with her I left my heart."

"You need to move on, Edward. You left her to keep her safe, so leave everything; the pain, the love, all of it. If you continue to hold it close you will never be able to stay away."

In Tanya's head I could 'hear' her memory of one man, her first after she'd gotten over the first year of fledgling bloodlust. She had loved him deeply but in the end had left him for his safety as well. She was trying to let me know I was not alone; though she ceased thinking of him one thought slipped through and I saw his death by her hands.

She was right, of course. In the end she'd not been strong enough to stay away, she had allowed her heart to do the thinking for her and he had ended up in a grave. I was headed down this same course.

I allowed a small smile to fly across my lips, gone as quickly as it had come. Tanya stood in one graceful movement and held a hand down to me, a peace offering of sorts.

"You do not need to forget, Edward…" She said. Though she did not finish this sentence aloud I heard it clearly.

_You just need to let it go._

The lesson had been a difficult one to learn, and its ending was even more tragic than that. I placed my hand in Tanya's and stood up to face her.

"Thank you."

"I did nothing."

"Yes," I said gravely, "you did. Tell me one thing, though."

"Yes?"

"Did you really bury him, and do you actually still visit his grave?"

"Matthew was special, and yes to both counts. Is this relevant?" She furrowed her brow.

"More than you know."

I would do my best to stay away from Bella; I did not want her to be my Matthew. She deserved a life and she deserved to have the love of someone who could give her that, even if he was, literally, my mortal enemy. I could not resent her for finding that love, no matter where or who it came from, though I envied him the chance and the ability to give to her what I wanted…

Because some love is better than no love at all, right?


	12. I'm Losing Myself Just To Find A Place

_Chapter 11: I'm Losing Myself Just Find A Place In Your Mind_

_Bella_

Is it so odd, really, that I used to hear his voice? That sometimes I purposely do crazy and dangerous things –like riding the bike– to see if I will hear it again? At first I thought I was going insane, but when I think on it now I realise it was my mind's way of holding onto something that was missing in my life. I heard a song the other day on the radio in Jake's garage, some alternative college station or something, that had intriguing lyrics.

I don't normally like to listen to the radio; it brings back the hours I spent listening to him play his original compositions, the stereo system his siblings had gotten me for the truck, the CD he had made disappear when he left. I could not stand to listen now to Debussy, to hear any sort of piano music.

And yet, this song I heard was played on a piano for the most part. I recalled moving my hand towards the switch to turn it off when the words started.

_Break through, hoping your demons can't get you, so many people with a good view if you should ever be the one to hit the ground._

I had totally tuned whatever it was Jacob had been talking about as he tinkered with some greasy looking piece of metal, instead focused completely on the words this unknown man was singing.

_A heart that's been buried in the ground can't break if it's never found; I spent so much time digging that grave. And even if it's pain that I feel at least I know that it's real; I'd rather be broken than afraid._

Had I buried my heart so deep to prevent it from being broken again? Had I allowed myself to remain so broken out of fear, or broken to keep that fear at bay? Did I _want_ to live this way, shrouded in the pain of his abandonment?

No. I wanted more from my life than just this sad creature I had become. I had looked up and seen Jacob watching me, my hand still extended towards the radio. He said nothing, just looked at me with those deep eyes, waiting to see what I would do or say. To my surprise I felt a smile chase across my face. Jake's lips curved into a tentative mirror of this strangeness.

"I love you."

The words spilled from my lips in a rushed tumble, as if my mouth had to get them out before my heart reached out and clasped them close to the shredded remains. My hand descended upon the radio that now played something so incongruously different from that first life altering song I wondered if I had even heard it at all, pulling the little dial to the left until it clicked and the speakers went silent.

Jake was still watching me, the smile on his face looking strained. I remember feeling the fear build in my chest, the panic rising to my eyes as I stared at him, waiting.

"Do you mean that, Bella?" He whispered. "Do you mean that or are you simply telling me what I want to hear?"

My mouth had felt dry at that moment, my head whirling so hard that the thoughts were not cohesive. I closed my eyes, felt the few tears building. The sudden warmth from his hand on my cheek as he brushed them lightly away steadied the spiralling fall my head seemed to be taking, then his warm lips upon my forehead, his embrace.

"It's true." I replied finally. "I…love you."

"You sound surprised."

"And you don't." I opened my eyes and looked at him questioningly.

"That's because I knew it all along."

"You couldn't have. I didn't know until now."

"You didn't know it consciously." He corrected me. "But it was there. And you know what Bella?"

"No, what?"

"I've always known that I loved you, even when we were kids making mudpies together. What I didn't know was that someday I would have the chance to not only tell you, but show you. I never thought I'd be able to hug you close to me, never thought you'd give me a second glance." He had paused then, pulling back. "When Charlie told us, me and Billy, that you were coming to live with him I never thought I would be able to give you the heart you'd held for years."

Now I think on that conversation as I sit parked at the beach and I realised that for Jake there had never been, would never be, anyone else. Even if I had not spoken with him that day at this same beach, had not taken those few false flirting steps, he would have loved me irrevocably. Had Edward not left Jake would still be there in the background, wishing he could have that which the other guy had gotten first. But Edward did leave; he took with him my heart but oddly enough in its place was something else. It was a small piece of what had been, what could be, covered in the metaphorical stitches of Jake's love.

We were young, there was no guarantee that he would not have gotten over it someday, but deep down I knew that was not true; Jacob would love me until the day he died, whether I was his or not. But I am his, now. I am his and he is mine. Edward had saved me from James but Jake had saved me from myself, and when you got right down to it Jake had had the harder fight to win.

"Bella!" I looked up to see Quil standing at my window. "I saw the truck and had to come ask what the hell you're doing here. So, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Thinking." I replied.

"Well come on down with me. Jake's here."

"I know." I smiled. I had seen them all as they played around in the surf, shoving one another into the icy Pacific waters and throwing sand. Even now I could see Paul, one of the boys I knew less well than I did Quil, as he and Jake wrestled about who knew what sort of slight now.

I followed Quil down the rocks, letting him give me a hand; my clumsiness is known throughout La Push. At least if I fell and hurt myself here I could be certain no one would attack me should I bleed. As I stepped onto the cold sand I looked up and caught eyes with Jake, a sudden spark going off in me. I swear my heart skipped a beat as he grinned at me and rushed over to swing me around, pressing a hard kiss to my lips that softened, made me melt in his arms.

"Oh geez, get a room!" Jared yelled at us. I laughed and pulled away from Jake in time to see Jared defy his own words and plant a kiss on his girl Kim. I had never met the girl before, but Jake had told me that Jared had imprinted, the second one to do so; it was supposedly a rare thing and Jake had frowned throughout the entire telling of the imprinting myth and Sam's and Jared's descriptions of what it felt like.

What would it be like to imprint? Neither Sam nor Jared had been able to really _tell_ what it felt like, only that they had known there was no other, never could be. Even Emily had been at a loss. She had told me that despite the need she'd felt she had been angry; Sam belonged to her cousin and was not hers to claim. She had run her fingers over the scars as she remembered, her eyes going soft as she recounted the moment she'd finally allowed it to take her over.

"What are you thinking about?" Jake's deep voice whispered into my ear and I gave a little shiver as I huddled closer to him.

"Jared and Kim, Sam and Emily…" I hesitated. "You and me."

If he was surprised by my lumping him in with those who had found their true mate he did not show it. Instead that familiar grin stretched across his face as he briefly crunched my shoulder into his chest with a squeeze of the arm he had around me.

"It's beautiful, isn't it; knowing that there is that one person out there who will do anything for you, love you unconditionally. Even when you fail them they are there to help you through the fall." He looked down at me, catching my eyes with his and again I felt that little skip in my chest. "It's the most impervious bond ever, one that cannot be broken even in death. Bella,"

"Don't, Jake." I shook my head. I was not sure what I was negating, but whatever it was I didn't want to hear it. He closed his mouth, his lips drawing into a tight line. He sighed, then, and placed a kiss on top of my head.

"Come on, let's go hang with the others."

~O~

It is difficult to really cuddle with Jake when we watch movies because of his size. Neither my couch nor his is nearly big enough for him to stretch out on, and even if he manages to find a comfortable position there is no room for me. We came to an arrangement where he sits and I lay down with my head in his lap, and this is how we were sitting now.

We were watching, ironically enough, _I Was A Teenage Werewolf_ on some random movie channel we'd discovered. It was rather hilarious particularly because of Jake's double life.

It had just gotten to the part where Michael J. Fox, the actor playing this wolf boy, had learned about the proverbial skeleton in his father's closet when I closed my eyes and gave a small sigh. Jake's hand, which had been stroking my hair, stopped.

"Bella?"

"I'm okay." I said automatically. I was fine; I had just not been paying any particular attention to the movie, instead thinking incongruously of _my_ future. Somewhere in the course of the movie I had begun thinking about my own prospective children. If I married Jake someday, if we had a baby, would that baby be born a wolf already, or would it require the advent of vampires nearby to change?

"Is something wrong?"

"No…" I responded slowly. "I was thinking."

"You seem to do a lot of that. Careful, you don't want your head to explode." A wry grin stretched across his face. "What about?"

"Children; more specifically, our children."

"_Our_ children?" His voice sounded a little incredulous. "Why Bella, I didn't know we were at that stage yet."

"We aren't." I stuck my tongue out at him. "I meant, like, hypothetically if we should someday marry, would our kids be wolves from the start or would the vampires have to come back?"

"The way I see it is that they will have the potential to become a wolf, but unless the pack is threatened by a large influx of the leeches they will not be able to phase. The current pack is plenty big enough to protect us against the threat that was here recently."

"I see." I nodded.

"Don't do that." He gave me a little shove, forgetting his strength, and I tumbled to the floor in a flurry of arms and legs.

"Jacob Black!"

He looked contrite, I had to give him that. "I'm sorry, Bells, but you really can't be moving around and all like that when you're on my lap."

I felt my face grow hot as I realised what he was getting at. I mean, to my knowledge we were both virgins and I had no desires to change that at this particular moment or really even any time in the very near future. Yeah, I loved Jake, but I didn't think either of us was ready for that particular step.

Jake reached a hand down to help me up, but instead of letting go and allowing me to steady myself he purposely pulled me down so I fell again, this time onto his lap, and kissed me hard. His hand let go of mine and trailed up my arm as we settled into a comfortable position, stopping when he reached my face. His thumb brushed along my cheek and he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck as he deepened the kiss.

He shifted to allow the hand not around my neck free, running that one along my thigh. My response was purely primal and I threw my arms around him. Without thinking I nipped his lip and I felt him chuckle as he pulled back. He finished off with three quick little kisses before breaking away completely.

"You're not ready for where this is going, Bella." Once more his thumb brushed my cheek and he brought the hand on my leg up to stroke the other side. With his hands framing my face I realised just how strong he was, how much he'd shot up from the boy who had been shorter than me just last year. "I had to stop."

I couldn't speak. Jacob knew me in a way I barely knew myself, right down to the basics. He knew I didn't like the radio on in the car; he knew I liked to keep things neat; and he knew I was not set to lose that integral part of me yet. My body had ideas that my head did not condone, and even though it was clear that Jake did not have any inhibitions about those actions he understood that.

"Besides," he finished, "my couch is not exactly the right place, and our dads will be here at any time. That would be embarrassing."

"Charlie would kill you." I said sweetly.

"I know; that is another reason I stopped. I value my life." That amused grin I loved so much settled into place. "I love you Bells, and when you are ready I hope to be the one you choose; but I'm not going to push you. If I think it's getting out of hand I just want you to know, I will stop."

I studied him; the planes of his face, the way his skin looked brighter with the soft light from the TV flickering over it. His dark eyes and the way they watched me, the tiny creases at the corners. Without really thinking about it I allowed my hand to come up and stroke his cheekbones the way he had stroked mine, to let my fingers run through the short crop of hair. He was growing it long again and it was pulled back into a tail. I brushed the small hairs at the base of his neck lightly and then exerted pressure to bring his mouth down to mine again.

I had totally blocked out the rest of the room, focusing only on him and our kissing, so when he pulled away once more I blinked and looked at him enquiringly. Instead of answering me he looked over his shoulder and then moved away quickly. Rearranging our bodies so that instead of my being sprawled over his lap we were sitting next to each other I wondered what had gotten into him when the door opened and there was my dad pushing Billy's chair in. Now I understood.

"Hi dad!" I said brightly. Charlie gave me a scrutinising look.

"Hi Bella." His eyes shifted to Jake and then back to me. "Did you have a good afternoon?"

"Sure," I replied easily. "We're watching this silly movie about a teenage wolf."

Billy stifled a laugh and took over. "Come on Charlie, let's go put these in the kitchen. We can have it tonight for supper. Sue gave me her secret recipe."

"I don't cook…" Charlie began as he pushed Billy and the fish towards the other room.

"That was close." Jake muttered. He picked up my hand and twined his fingers through mine. "But didn't I tell you I'd look out for you?"

"Yes, and you did splendid." I giggled. "But next time, instead of tossing me around like a doll, just tell me."

"Will do!" He chuckled.

We could hear our dads making a racket in the kitchen and suddenly my father's voice called out in a worried tone. "Um, Bella? Could you come here…"

"I'm not sure I want to." I muttered and Jake snickered.

"Need back up?"

"Please," I stood up and began to move away. He followed me, reaching out to hold my hand as we joined our respective parental figures. I stepped into the kitchen and gasped; in the course of five minutes they had managed to make a mess of the fish, the stove, the table…every available surface.

"A little help?" Charlie looked sheepish.

"Dad, please tell me that you two weren't going to try Sue's recipe without supervision?" Jake looked horrified as he surveyed the room.

"Well…" Billy hesitated, trading a look with my father.

"I can fix it." I sighed. "Where's the recipe?"

Billy held up a damp, flour covered piece of paper. Charlie held out the frying pan. I took one sweeping glance at the room and sighed again.

"Thanks Bells." Charlie looked relieved.

"Out, both of you." I commanded. "You, stay here." I had to grab Jake's waistband as he tried to make his escape with the disaster twins. "I need help from someone who has a dash more coordination."

"In that case, maybe you should sit and let me do the cooking." Jake teased. That comment earned him a punch on the arm that hurt me more then it did him. He leaned in and kissed me softly, then snatched the frying pan I'd taken from Charlie and began to gather the needed ingredients.

I watched him work, a half-smile on my face. He barely glanced at the paper with Sue's recipe, but from what I could tell he still did everything correctly. I can only assume he had seen Sue do this before or asked her about it.

The most he would allow me to do was hand him things; it amused me to see him acting so domestic, a side of him I had not really experienced before. I knew he had to know some form of domesticity, taking care of Billy after the girls left and all, but it was one thing to know and another to see. It made me realise what a great husband he'd make someday, a thought that made me wonder about where I wanted this relationship to go.

I loved him, but did I love him enough for that, someday? I wish I knew all the answers.


	13. Interlude: An Eye for an Eye

_Interlude: An Eye For An Eye_

_Victoria_

I can be patient when it suits my needs. James understood that about me, just I had understood his need for the game, the hunt. This is why we were good together; we complimented each other's skills. He was the best tracker I've ever met, and when we _did_ meet it was almost instantaneous: I had to go with him. We were essential to each other, him with his tracking and me with my innate ability to always find an out…

Until that wretched abomination, a poor excuse for a vampire, killed him to save the life of a puny human. James only went after her because _he _had given such a reaction to James's study of the girl that should have been nothing more than a snack. For James it was always a game, but the last one played was the one he lost.

There is a human saying, _revenge is a dish best served cold_; I played this saying in my mind a lot after that detestable _boy_ killed James and realised how right it could be. My first impulse had been to attack the ones who had helped him, his 'family', but there was that one little part of me that said the only thing that would come of that was my own death.

Instead of just blindly striking out at the other vampires it occurred to me that she was still alive, that _she_ was my target. It was because of her, after all, that James was gone, that Laurent had abandoned us. I was on my own now, but I knew I had to kill that little _bitch_ if it was the last thing I ever did.

I can be patient; I watched her from afar for a long time, watched as her vampire protector left her, supposedly to keep her safe. It was the exact move I needed to make my first counter-move.

I speak here of moves and counter-moves; chess is a great game. When you remain so long, never sleeping, you need something to occupy time. James and I would play chess at times, when we were able to steal a board and men; his reasoning was that it would hone both of our skills concerning attacks, hunts, and even understanding the reasoning behind our prey's actions.

Of course, I did not factor in these strange wolf-creatures. They are not the same as the wolf-men James and I experienced in Siberia, for those creatures live by the moon's cycles and these new wolf-men had changed in midday, at will. I do not know what their secret is but it matters not; the only thing that matters is that they are protecting my prey which means I must up the ante and find a way around my new adversary.

As it is, I almost had them hunted by the humans when they were blamed for my meals but it did not last long and somehow they managed to escape that plan. I have been watching them, staying just far enough that they are not aware of me. It is not easy, but I will find a way to avenge James.

Due to hunger and my last attempt –failed, of course– at having my meal do the dirty work I left that detestable little town and headed towards the city. There I would be able to find plenty to eat and have time enough to think of a new plan. I was in no hurry, after all. Her vampire had left her alone; I had no fear of him turning her before I could get my revenge. From what I had gathered of the wolf-men she was not able to be changed into one, it was a born-to-it sort of thing. She would be human for a long time, and if there was something I had plenty of, it was time.


	14. Not The Way Its Supposed To Be

_Chapter 12: Not The Way That It's Supposed To Be_

_Alice_

It is very difficult to let someone you love go; Edward left me almost the minute we disembarked, leaving me to explain to the others what had transpired in Italy. I also knew that the Volturi would not give him up that easily, and though they would bide their time eventually they would find a way to try to lure him back to their ranks.

When the Denali clan informed us of Edward's whereabouts I was relieved, because I had been unable to find him. He had made no decisions, which meant that there was nothing in his future but a blank slate, until just a few hours ago when out of the blue it came flashing at me.

"What is he doing now?" I asked aloud, though Jasper would not be able to answer me.

"You tell me." Jasper sent me a bemused look.

"It looks like…he's coming home?"

"You sound unsure." Carlisle studied me.

"I think he's decided to come back, but it's not clear why or when. Besides, it was a very quick vision."

"Nice excuse." Emmett laughed. I shot him a glare.

"It is not an excuse."

"You've never used it before, I'll give." Emmett shrugged. "But there is a first time for everything, right?"

I did not deign to give him an answer, instead turning to Jazz. "Come hunting with me."

"You're not that thirsty." He remarked.

"I'm thirsty enough." I replied. He looked at me quizzically but shrugged and took my hand as I walked away.

Once we were far enough away from the house that the others would be unable to listen in he pulled me to a stop and kissed me. I could feel little waves of pleasure wash over me as we made out, but I cannot say if it was him doing it or if I really felt that way. Giving me one last lingering kiss Jasper pulled away and held me at arms length.

"What did you really see, Alice?"

I sighed. "Wait a few minutes and your answer will arrive."

"He's coming here?" Jasper looked a little surprised as he surveyed our surroundings.

"If I am correct he did not want to come to close to the house and has decided to stop here for a little bit. I'm sure he realised I would see this and be here, so I am."

"I see."

"Ah, you got my message." Edward's voice was soft as he stepped out of the trees. "I figured you'd come."

"Are you really coming back to stay?" I asked.

"For now." He nodded.

"And…and Bella?"

"Will always be in my heart."

I narrowed my eyes. That was not an answer. Jasper was frowning and kept giving little shakes of his head.

"Edward, if you're going to be so sad I hope you don't take it offensively if I avoid you. Yours is a mood I cannot fix."

"I am sorry, Jasper. It will take time." Edward turned back to me and eyed me perceptively. "I know you probably cannot see Bella easily but please keep an eye out for Victoria. She is still hunting, I overheard her thoughts on the matter, but she managed to escape me."

"Oh, of course." I promised. "But what are you going to do if I see something?"

"Be her knight in shining armour." He gave me a lopsided smile that disappeared as swiftly as it had arrived. "In secret, of course. I promised her I would not interfere in her happiness, and she is happy."

I looked at him, mystified. How exactly would he be her knight if it was all in secret, and how was my watching her not interfering? After all, if I saw something he would not stop to think it through but go haring off to save the day, which would anger the Quileutes, no doubt.

"I can handle them." He scowled at me. "And I do not just go off without thinking."

"Really." Jasper said dryly. "So then you thought long and hard about spending a week in the snow? And before that you thought long and hard about seeing if Bella was happy."

I shot Jasper a glare; he was not helping the situation any. My glare was nothing, though, compared to Edward's. He was eyeing Jasper with a terrifying look, his eyes dark with thirst. The malice coming off of him just then was so thick I could feel it, and that is not my specialty. It made me wonder how Jasper felt, especially since it was directed at him.

"Don't be that way, Edward; you know what I say is the truth. You _don't_ think things through, not where Bella is concerned. Just stay away from her, stay away from everything to do with her, including tracking Victoria." I stared at Jasper. He was usually the calm one, unless the blood lust got to be too much.

"I love her." Edward sounded pained.

"So do I." I said softly. "She and I, we were going to be great friends."

"How can I just forget her like that?" He begged Jasper for an answer.

"I wish I knew. But we gave up a life for you, Edward. We willingly left Forks so that you would not leave us. Is it so much for us to ask that you do the same? Do this for us, your family."

Edward lowered his head in defeat, and then flung his head back, his face locked in a horrific grimace. I could see the veins in his neck standing out and doubtless had he been human his face would have been red with whatever suppressed emotion he was feeling. As it was I could hear the low keen that escaped his lips; it made me wince. I glanced at Jasper who had backed away, his own expression that of pain as he felt everything Edward did.

"Leave me." Edward fell to his knees and cradled his head in his hands. "Just go away Alice. Let me be."

I frowned and concentrated on him. After a minute I was satisfied he would do nothing stupid that night and I backed off a few steps before whirling around and, grabbing Jasper's outstretched hand, ran off. Before we got to the house I veered off. I did not want to face the others just then; there was too much I had to think about before I explained.

Eventually I took down a small deer that quenched my minor thirst, and then Jasper and I headed back home. I avoided the little clearing we had left Edward in, going in an almost straight line back to the house. When we arrived Edward was not there, but Carlisle and Esme were standing by the glass wall staring out into the night.

"Please tell me he's okay." Esme glanced at me.

"He's fine for now." I shrugged. "He'll return here in due time, right now he'd trying to work through a few upsetting emotions and decisions."

"But he is returning?" Carlisle clarified.

"For certain."

"Is there anything we ought to know before he arrives?"

"I asked him to try, for us, to forget her." Jasper whispered. "I got a little angry with him and spoke out of turn, but I don't regret it. We gave up so much for him, the least he can do is to return the favour."

"Jasper," Esme looked at him with a glance that held both disapproval and understanding.

"I know, I know." Jasper sighed. "It was amazing that he had finally found love, and so on, but think about it, Esme; he is dragging us down with him because he cannot face his own decision. I simply requested of him to understand a few ideas."

"Still," Esme trailed off. She turned back to the window quickly, peering out.

"Edward comes." Carlisle remarked as a dark figure walked slowly out of the trees and just as slowly approached the house. Even without the bright moonlight reflecting off his face we would have easily seen him.

The four of us just watched him as he came closer, his face a mask set into an expression of indifference, though I knew he was simply trying to keep Esme from worrying more than she already did. We all did that; Esme is so tender-hearted we cannot bear to distress her at times. Jasper made a small noise and then retreated upstairs to our room, leaving Carlisle, Esme, and me to face Edward alone.


End file.
